Break no hearts of girls you love
by Iwy'sAshes
Summary: They sat in silence and watched the sky changing colors as the sun started rising. Spencer's temple was kissed and the blond closed her eyes, hating herself for letting this wonderful woman go. "Happy birthday Spency."
1. Chapter 1

**Hola guys! *waves like a maniac***

**I'm here to present you a new story and hope you wont hate it :)** **I apologize in advance, English is not my first language and even though a friend of mine keeps an eye on what I'm producing here, I cant guarantee an error-free adventure. Feel free to drop me a message and tell me if I suck and shouldn't write words again...or if you like it because that'd be just amazing. **

**I'm open for criticism, I think every artist needs to grow and without being able to accept criticism you stay placed where you are, not moving at all. **

**I've written a few stories for Skins but somehow I missed Spashley and thought I'd give them my touch. **

**Don't know if the Fandom's still alive, but if one person would actually read and enjoy it I'll be happy. **

**Rated – M because I curse and I'll let them curse, have fun (xxx) and be young **

**South of nowhere is not mine, I'm borrowing the characters and suing would be dumb, don't own worthy stuff and I don't think anyone wants my mobile, laptop or bed. Sooooo**

**have fun and tell me what you think **

**iwysashes**

**xxx**

* * *

_**They sat in silence and watched the sky changing colors as the sun started rising. Spencer's temple was kissed and the blond closed her eyes, hating herself for letting this wonderful woman go. "Happy birthday Spency."**_

* * *

She was tired. She was always tired. It felt like she hadn't slept a night without waking up every hour since she was twelve. Maybe because she couldn't remember how it felt, sleeping, dreaming, waking up relaxed and fresh.

Her tired, dark circled eyes looked lazily to the clock hanging above her bedroom door.

5.30am and she sighed, because she knew she could close her eyes again, open them an hour later again only to repeat it until it was noon or she could take a hot shower.

First things first, she thought as she grabbed the cigarette pack off her floor and sighed, enjoying the first drag like she hadn't had a smoke every hour when her eyes shot open. Blindly reaching around the bed she finally found her cell and wiped her finger across the dirty display to discover that she had been stalked. Again.

Twelve missed calls. Four texts. Seven voice mails. An email. Multiple 'whatsapp' texts and just as she wanted to put the device away it started blinking, showing a grinning face. 5.30am, she thought and shook her head when she sat up and leaned against the wall by her bed, pulling the covers over her naked body. "Cant you let me sleep in peace?" She whispered and was met by chuckling, darkening her mood instantly.

"I don't think one hour counts as peaceful sleeping, baby." And she rubbed her tired eyes, praying this conversation wouldn't take long, another hour of sleep sounded like heaven at the moment. "What? Are you still sulking?"

She shook her head with a frown, flipping her storm lighter, her zippo, shut and open. "I'm not sulking Ashley. I told you a thousand times I'm not interested and yet I find your name everywhere on my fucking phone when I wake up because you're high as a kite again. It's getting old and I'm annoyed, not sulking."

And hearing the careless, hoarse chuckling made her roll her eyes. "C'mon Spency, I know you don't mean that, had a few great nights, didn't we? Anyways, we're having a party and you _really_ should move your amazing ass here. I'll pick you up." She looked up at her ceiling and hoped she had enough patience not to kill the girl if she actually decided to knock on her door. "I hope you're not serious. Look Ash, this is getting really pathetic" But Ashley didn't let her finish, she had hung up and was already knocking on her door, making Spencer suspect that she had been looking at her window and knew when she turned the light on.

Spencer groaned, throwing her phone on the bed before she grabbed a hoodie and made her way towards the door. She thought about quickly brushing her hair, decided against it in hope of Ashley thinking of her bed-hair as a turn off. She slowly opened the heavy wooden door and leaned against the door frame, blankly staring at the grinning face of her stalker.

"Good morning princess, _love_ the hair." The young woman smirked reaching out and running her fingers through dark blond knotted locks. Spencer swatted her hand away, glaring. "All right, all right. Relax, it's not like I'm here to jump you, jeez."

With crossed arms Spencer demanded to know what the impromptu visit was for. "Awe, couldn't live another day without seeing your beautiful face." She shook her head, asking herself how this girl could have such an huge ego, everyone would have accepted defeat by now.

"We've been over this Ashley. I am _not_ interested. Why cant you just leave me alone?" And then brown eyes bored into hers, they were staring right into her soul and Spencer had to look away. She couldn't stand the intensity Ashley carried in her eyes when she looked at Spencer. She really _looked_ at her.

The winning smile was gone, the charming tone was gone, the bigger than life personality gone and in front of her stood a gorgeous young woman with a tragic expression. "I just cant. I remember watching you when we were kids, teenagers, then finally having you for such a short time and now seeing you like this breaks my heart."

Spencer remembered Ashley from their childhood, a pretty curly haired tomboy always in trouble. She remembered Ashley's transition into a pom pom swinging Barbie.

She remembered moving into her apartment after returning to San Fransisco, she almost let her bags drop when she saw Ashley on her street.

She wouldn't have thought Ashley could ever return to San Fransisco after running off to Hollywood when she dropped out of school. And living in the same neighborhood? They grew up in Telegraph hill and Spencer decided she wanted, no, _needed_ a change and rented a small apartment in North hill after saying goodbye to her New York adventure. Of course Ashley just _had_ to live across the street, practically on top of her.

They had never been friends. They had never been enemies. They had been...nothing. Socializing with different people, and Ashley pretending to be a Barbie didn't help much to befriend each other. They knew each other by name, said hello at parties and never wasted another thought afterwards.

_**6 Months ago**_

* * *

"_Oh my god, Spencer?" The blond had to look twice because she could have never guessed that this was Ashley Davies. She remembered her with straight, bleached blond hair and almost non existing cheerleader uniforms. This girl running across the street was certainly not that girl anymore. She had a natural beauty shining off her, gone was the bleached hair and pretty dark brown locks with red steaks hung over her shoulders. She wore a simple white tank top with ripped jeans, cut to the knees and beat up converse. Gone was the fake-everything and its place took a girl Spencer would have liked to know back then. _

"_Ashley! Oh my gosh you look amazing." The fake giggle was replaced by a throaty chuckle, making Spencer's knees go weak and she blushed when magnificent brown eyes ran shamelessly over her body. _

"_Not as amazing as you Spencer. Haven't seen you for what? Two years and you turn into a goddess. Of course you've always been a dream." Ashley gestured around. "You live here?" When Spencer finally recovered from her urge to throw Ashley against the next car and screw her brains out she nodded, sending the brunette a smile as she pointed at the house to her left. And she thought she might point at everything if it made Ashley light up like this. _

"_I live there! We're neighbors. Small world, huh?" Small world indeed, Spencer thought, her eyes never leaving the gorgeous woman in front of her. "I've got an appointment in a few minutes but we really need to catch up. How about it, you, me, a bottle of your favorite Tequila and we celebrate our reunion." It wasn't a question and that alone made Spencer laugh. _

"_We've never been united, ash. How can it be a reunion?" Her words spoken through a teasing smile and Ashley smirked, biting her lip as she took two steps towards Spencer until they had to share the same air. _

"_Oh, I'm planning to change that." A raised brow was Spencer answer but on the inside planes were crashing against her stomach. Whoever said that it's butterflies lied. "Are you now?" Her own voice lowered and was more a husk than anything else and if she had to go by Ashley's eyes, she'd say the girl was seriously turned on. Mission accomplished. "Uh, yeah. As soon as possible." And then her lips tastes cherries and she had no idea who had kissed the other but it didn't matter, the hottest girl around was pulling her closer by her neck and back. _

_San Fransisco might not be that bad after all, were the thoughts running through her mind as her own hands let go of the bags and found their favorite place in the world, Ashley Davies mane and back. _

_All too soon Ashley pulled back, yet she still leaned forward to place a soft kiss on Spencer's forehead before she took a few steps back, grinning like a fool. "Tonight Spency, me and you and Tequila are having an amazing night, so, if you gonna freak out do it now. Want you in a good mood later."_

_Spencer shook her head and pulled her bags off the ground, winking at Ashley. "I'll be in a exceptionally good mood, Ashley. And I really don't want to hear any excuses about a girlfriend, or boyfriend. Your single later, got it? Don't care how you do it." _

_And Ashley laugh followed her home. _

* * *

_**now**  
_

Spencer sighed, looking to the window she realized that it was still dark outside. The sun would rise soon and she would bet her mousy income that it was reason for Ashley's visit. She felt a hand fall in hers and shook her head, but Ashley's big Bambi eyes were staring at her, pleading, and she couldn't do anything other than walk back inside and pull some shorts over her naked butt before joining Ash by the door again.

She didn't ask where they were going. Simply followed the drunk girl to the stairway and up to the roof. Ashley kicked the door a few times, slammed her fist against it but it wouldn't budge. The tired, kidnapped girl showed pity and pushed the pouting girl aside, shoving the door at the right spot and it fell open.

The brunette didn't waist any time grabbing Spencer hand again and pulled her on the roof to the little corner they hid a few blankets by a table. She arranged the blankets. Two of them were folded a couple of times and laid as a stripe on the ground by a wall for them to sit on. She wrapped herself in a thick purple blanket and opened her arms, waiting for Spencer to cuddle into her.

After sighing and shaking her head for the hundredth time since opening her eyes she finally moved over to Ashley and let herself be enveloped by the thick material and the softness of her warm body. The brunette conjured up her cigarettes out of thin air and handed Spencer a already lit one before lighting her own.

They sat in silence and watched the sky changing colors as the sun started rising. Spencer's temple was kissed and the blond closed her eyes, hating herself for letting this wonderful woman go. "Happy birthday Spency."

Spencer ignored the wetness on her own cheeks, she didn't want to acknowledge it because if she did ,she really finally needed do something about it. The pretty girl holding her didn't mention the tears, her gentle fingers stroked comfortingly along Spencer's arm and her lips found her head ever so often to place soft kisses everywhere they could reach while they watch the sunrise.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hi guys! Amazing, I didn't think I'd get one review so I guess four are a real success! Thanks. Glad you like it and the guest who didn't, nope, it's not the usual screw up Ashley chasing Spencer. Tag along to find out, or don't if you don't like it. :) **_

_**Have fun and tell me what you think**_

* * *

_The night of the catch-up-date_

"No...I don't know she didn't tell me a time or a place. She just said we'd meet later. It is later now? I have no idea! Should I go over and look for her name by the door? Or should I wait?" She was looking out of her window on the first floor, eyes glued to the building across the street as if she could make Ashley appear out of thin air if she just stared hard enough.

Her brothers stupid laugh didn't help to calm her down at all. "Chill Spence. You said she kissed you, she'll be there. You're having a sex date later." "I'm not! We'll just drink a glass or two and catch up. What kind of girl do you think I am?"

And he laughed again, she rolled her eyes. "A Carlin. Besides, it's Ashley fucking Davies! Who wouldn't want to" "All right, all right don't even go there. You have no idea how fucking gorgeous she is."

Her lips curled upwards and she jumped away from the window, didn't want to seem desperate. She told her brother to fuck off and shut her phone before running a hand through her hair just as the doorbell went off.

She counted to ten and made her way to the intercom buzzing the other girl in. Her face broke out in a beaming smile when a head full of curls came into view, Ashley's amazing body not far behind. She changed outfits and as Spencer's eyes darted from one part to the other a soft chuckle brought her back to reality, making her lift her head with a blush. Busted.

"Well, well. If that isn't Spencer Carlin ogling my goods. What would dear mommy say." She bit her lip, fascinated about pretty much everything in front of her but the eyes, the striking bronze pools made her knees weak again. "She'd say fucking good choice." It was breathed because obviously her whole body started declining to work properly, her throat was suddenly really dry.

"She would, huh? Good, always thought she's a hotty." Spencer laughed and slapped the girls bare shoulder, yet when her hand felt the hot skin she couldn't just let go. No, her hand glided down the tanned arm and softly grabbed Ashley's thumb, tugging her inside.

The girl had other plans though and when she passed the threshold her hands moved upwards and she rested them on the wall beside Spencer head. Trapping her to the wall.

She leaned down and made the blond's head spin but her lips didn't land where they absolutely should, no. She kissed a soft cheek before whispering into Spencer ear, her breath hitting it and making it hard for the pinned girl not to pull her in and just crash their lips together. "I think we should at least pretend we're catching up." A gentle kiss landed on Spencer's temple and then worried brown eyes met hers. "Or are you freaking out?"

And she couldn't stop the laughter, she couldn't stop looking at Ashley like she's lost it, she couldn't believe that she was acting like a retard. "Sorry. Uh, no. I'm not. Haven't been freaking out about kissing girls since I was thirteen actually."

Ashley's eyes were gone and she was looking at a picture hanging above the door, nodding with a set jaw. "Good." The blond realized that something just happened and completely ruined the mood, Ashley's mood to screw her against this very wall and she wanted to know what it was.

She took Ashley's hand and pulled her back until she _had_ to meet her eyes. "Are you single as commanded?" A joke always helped in situations like these but apparently she wasn't funny.

"Yeah, met Aiden and told him it's over" "Wait what?" And maybe her incredulously look killed the atmosphere completely or maybe something else did but Ashley was shaking her head and shrugged, like it was no big deal.

"Yeah. I'm not staying with him, how fucked up would that be? I cant be with someone and find someone else attractive. You just don't do that." Spencer nodded with wide eyes. She agreed, of course she did but she couldn't believe Ashley would leave her boyfriend just like that, just because they had kissed _one_ after meeting for the first time in years.

Wasn't that a bit drastic?

"Wow. Isn't that a bit drastic?" She fiddled with Ashley's hand, suddenly feeling like a moron. A hot girl was throwing herself at her and she was hesitating and talking about her fucking boyfriend? Sometimes she wondered what was wrong with her. "I mean, we don't really know each other and if this even" And she stopped talking, shaking her head. "It just seems kinda rushed you know? We don't know if we will work out or"

She stopped again, rubbing her neck nervously while Ashley eyed her with a raised brow. Clearly highly entertained by her stupidity. "Or what Spence? Get married and adopt a cute Asian baby?" Softly chuckling the brunette shook her head, stroking Spencer's cheek. "Look, me and Aiden were more of a convenient solution. You remember him, don't you? When I moved back we met up and I didn't have anyone else, he was single and we kinda ended up in an open relationship. But we always knew it wouldn't last."

Spencer squinted at her, she didn't know if the girl was telling the truth or just bending it to get into her pants. "Come on, why would I lie? I'd tell you if I didn't break up with him. I just think it was fair to do it because I'm hoping to spend a lot of time with you."

Suddenly the blond's senses were filled with vanilla and honey, Ashley was impossibly close, she could feel the heat of her skin. "Why don't you just kiss me?"

With a smile Spencer reached around and laid one hand on Ashley's tanned back, pulling her in while her other hand ran through lose curls as she pressed her lips to vanilla tasting ones.

She couldn't say how long they stood like this, making out against her wall. Might have been seconds, might have been hours but when she opened her eyes she decided a just-kissed-Ashley was her favorite image.

Her eyes were still closed, her lips a bit swollen and redder than before. She breathed heavy and slowly opened her eyes. "That's better. Thank you." A soft hand glided into Spencer's and they walked to the old couch, sitting down and opened the tequila bottle Ashley brought like promised.

One shot turned into two and two turned into five. Before they knew it half the bottle was gone and the girls were a bit tipsy, sipping on their beer bottles.

"Tell me Ashley, how did _that_ happen." Spencer gestured at Ashley, waving her hand up and down her body with raised brows. "This transition is amazing."

They sat cross legged in front of each other on the couch, knees touching and hands wandering from time to time. Ashley grinned and winked at her, shaking the 'transition' jokingly, her body. "Well, if you must know I guess I'll tell you. But you got to promise not to tell, it's a secret."

Promising to keep her mouth shut Spencer raised her arm, making Ashley break out in giggles. "Okay. Well, one day I saw this cute blond hang around the cool kids and I got jealous." Spencer laughed, slapping the visible thigh.

"Yeah right! You were 'the cool kids'." She exclaimed but fell silent as soon as Ashley's body crashed into her, pushing her into the pillows. The brunette hovered above her, straddling her body with a smirk. "I was one of the fake kids, Spencer. The wannabe elite. No one actually likes them besides themselves. You were with the cool kids. The artists, the musicians, the skaters and dancers. The 'cool kids' stopped being cool a long time ago and you know it." She moved her lips to her ear and whispered; "And you were defiantly a reason to break out and go find myself."

Her teeth tugged on Spencer's earlobe and the blond moaned, she couldn't hold it inside. Not with Ashley slowly grinding into her, not with her teeth playing around on her earlobe, not with her hands slowly wandering across her body.

No. Moaning was appropriate when Ashley Davies was doing all these things to your body.

"One time you heard me playing in the music room. You sat up and told me that I'm amazing and that my voice could break hearts. You told me to grab life by its balls and not be scared of the future that's planned out for me." Spencer's hand pushed on her shoulders, trying to find her eyes.

She was surprised and really confused. Couldn't remember ever having a conversation like this. Ashley grinned when she saw her expression and pressed her lips between her eyebrows, easing the confusion away. "You were high. It was a stupid school-ball or some party, cant remember. It was really shitty and I was too drunk to drive so I played a bit guitar. You were already in the room when I walked in and I started playing and singing."

A startled laugh escaped Spencer lips and she nodded, she _did_ remember that night. Bits and pieces at least. "Oh my god, that was fun. I think I lost my shoes." "That you did."

And then they were serious all of a sudden, just looking into each others eyes with the tequila slowly working through their blood system. "Why don't you just kiss me Ash?" Spencer suggested with a grin, throwing the line from earlier back at Ashley.

The girl on top of her barked out a laugh before leaning down to crash their lips together.

Spencer laid under the covers, looking at Ashley with worried eyes. The girl was still panting and staring at the ceiling, clutching the covers with a horror filled face. When the blond's hand reached out to touch her shoulder she flinched, finally meeting confused blue eyes. "Ash, what's wrong?"

Ashley shook her head, running a hand through her unruly hair and then pulled on it. Rubbing her forehead Spencer tried to stay calm and not to panic. Ashley's strange behavior could had many reasons. Screwing each other on Spencer's bed didn't have to be the problem. "Nothing's wrong."

But she didn't believe her. The brunette looked like she had seen a ghost, and not a nice one. The only thing missing to think she had been raped were scratches but her face and body language were saying exactly this. "You're scaring me Ash. Wasn't it, god. Didn't you enjoy it?" Her voice sounded small and she felt like a 14 year old teenager. Uncertain and nervous as hell.

Ashley's eyes softened and she hesitantly took Spencer's hand, squeezing it. "Can I be honest?" Hearing the words Spencer heart sank because this couldn't mean anything good. She could only nod. "Well, it was...Spencer your gorgeous. You really are, and I think I should be start jumping around" "Ashley." The brunette sighed, a thoughtful expression on her face as she pulled herself closer to the blond. She kissed her, just like that, a sensual kiss and her right hand started to wander again.

For a moment Spencer forgot what the problem was and let herself enjoy the feeling of fingertips stroking her sides, her hips and then they stopped. Ashley let out a annoyed groan, slapping a hand over her eyes in anger. "What is it Ash?"

And with the hand hiding her eyes she finally told her the problem. "I didn't like it."

* * *

Back to the rooftop

Spencer wiped the remaining tears off her face and took a sip of the champagne Ashley had materialised out of thin air. Her eyes fell on Ashley's profile and she sighed, wondering for the hundredths time why Ashley wouldn't give up. It didn't make any sense to try and fight for whatever this was.

"Why cant you stop your brain to over think everything Spence? For once? Cant we just enjoy the sunrise and enjoy each others company? " Her voice sounded resigned, like they'd been over it again and again but they weren't. It was the first time Ashley voiced her wish to pretend like the elephant didn't exist in the room.

"Sure. Why don't we just start making out?" She knew it was mean, but seeing Ashley's eyes light up and turn her head around showed her again how different they were. "No Ash. You know exactly it wont work."

And then hand were grasping every part of her Ashley could get to. "Of course it can. Worked already. We're great friends, we're attracted to each other and we fucking fit." Spencer snatched her hands away and looked at her friend in disbelieve. "Because you wont fucking enjoy it!" "But I want to!"

"Yeah. Well, tough. That's not enough. You don't like me touching you." Ashley's face hardened as if Spencer personally offended her. "That's not true. I love your touch. It's not like I've never orgasmed when we fucked, Spencer."

Spencer was getting to her feet with a shaking head. "Yeah you did. But you still didn't enjoy it. Just be honest, for god's sake. You don't like sex with a woman." The brunette groaned when Spencer made her way to the door. "Spencer don't do that. You know exactly that's not true. I love being with you. And the sex, well you don't give me a chance to prove it!"

A finger was pointed at Ashley's angry and upset face, the blonde had enough of this insane conversation. "You have a girl crush on me. That's it. And that's not enough for me, I'm sorry."


	3. Chapter 3

Spencer was rushing down the stairs, taking two at a time, her body buzzing in anger as she tried to escape Ashley and her ridiculous drunken thoughts.

It was the first time something like this had happened, the first time they've spoken the hurtful words without sugar coating it. And now Spencer remembered why, because it hurt. She was sniffing as tears ran down her cheeks, she tried to wipe them away, but they wouldn't stop and blurred her view. "Spencer! Spencer fucking wait! _Spencer_!" But she didn't wait, she ran, as fast as she could because her heart was on stake here, and she couldn't risk it breaking. It wasn't healed properly yet, from the pain Ashley's caused months ago, and she refused to let the girl throw new gasoline into it.

She was struggling to open her door when a palm slammed into it directly beside her head. It shocked her so much she almost jumped out of her skin and had to turn around with wide eyes. Ashley's never been violent before, sure they've had their occasional fights, mostly after the 'breakup' but Ashley had never blown up like this before. And Spencer didn't like it.

Locking her eyes on furious Bambi ones, that didn't look like Bambi at all any more, she searched her brain for a defusing approach. She came up blank as Ashley didn't let her any time and pressed herself into Spencer, attacking her mouth with her talented lips. A moan escaped the blond's throat, Ashley Davies was one hell of a kisser and knew exactly where to put her hands to bring Spencer to the edge of giving in. "Just let me fuck you already." Panted into her ear and it was like a wake up call, with car horns and crashes, having Spencer stretch out her arms and try to hold Ashley away from her body. It was harder than she thought, the girl had tasted blood and was currently making her way up Spencer's belly with her lips, under her hoodie, while she dragged her fingernails up and down her sides and the small of her back.

The blond threw her head against the door and mumbled, wishing for self control as Ashley was determinate to ravish her right there and then. She had to prove to Spencer that she could enjoy it, that it was more than just a girl crush as the blond had snapped it like a curse.

This thought brought Spencer back to earth and made her jump away from probing fingers and searching lips. Big brown, hooded, eyes stared up at her in confusion and she shook her head while wiping the remains of her tears away. "I cant Ash. I just cant it's too much."

_After Ashley's confession_

"_Baby? Please say something." Ashley's usually sassy, laughing voice begged as she watched Spencer carefully. The blond had surged forward and grabbed the blanket to cover herself up after the bomb exploded a minute ago. Since then, she was staring wide eyed at a spot on the wall, motionless, just clutching the sheets with white fingers. "I'm sorry, okay? Please, I really am." Then a warm body was straddling her and pushing her back into the mattress, Ashley's insistent lips covering every part of Spencer that wasn't covered. _

_Even though she was laying flat on her back, and had a gorgeous girl throwing herself at her, Spencer couldn't concentrate or feel any of it. She was empty, there wasn't more than a small leaf flying through her brain. "God, your so beautiful." Ashley moaned, eying the blond hungrily as her hand tried to push past the barrier of the thick fabric and reach her soft skin. "Babe" she stopped her persistent, almost frantic movements and tried to meet blue eyes, which seemed to look right through her. "Baby look at me." She had to touch her chin for Spencer to finally come back to reality and look at her. "Let me try again, please." Her words were soft, almost breaking, desperate if Spencer dared to think so, and remembering those weird first tries with a girl, she almost took pity on the beautiful girl on top of her. Almost. "Ash, maybe this isn't working." "But it is! Look, I'm drunk and I was so fucking excited all day long that I've drank too much, it's not you, okay? Just fucking look at you Spencer, I was wanking to you as a fucking teenager, it's huge. I'm really sorry, but let me take care of you, yeah? I promise it'll be good. Have loads of practice." Her last sentence took a bit of the tension away and Spencer cracked a smile at the cheeky wink and wriggle of fingers. _

"_Lets just get dressed and a have a smoke and drink, yeah?" Spencer suggested, hoping a bit of talking might do the situation good, take off the pressure. "We'll just go with it." "We will?" Uncertainty was evident in Ashley's low voice and the blond nodded, leaning up she pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "Yeah." _

_So they got dressed into some of Spencer's shorts and tops, got comfy on the couch on the other side of the room and turned on the music. They were bickering, having fun just the way friends did and the blond wondered if maybe, that was what they were supposed to be, friends. "Here, get drinking woman, didn't get it to waste away, did I?" Ashley laughed, handing Spencer a newly refilled shot glass. They lit two cigarettes and talked about their jobs, life in general. _

"_So you're an artist?" Ashley asked when her eyes roamed the room with a twinkle, obviously liking what she saw. _

_It was small, tiny, but Spencer loved her studio. It was one room with a kitchen and the hallway in it. On one end was the 'living room', a beat up sofa and old TV. A couple guitars were hanging on the walls, a drum kit in the corner, and a whole wall was filled with Vinyl shelves. The walls were also decorated with music, old broken vinyl hung from the ceiling and the walls, a mirror made of broken colorful mirror parts was glued to the door of the bathroom. The windows and balcony door were covered with cut out milk, cigarette, and every other cupboards everyone uses on a daily basis. Ashley liked that, the way Spencer seemed to make this place unbelievably comfy and artsy in her own way. Some pictures were burned on the edges and pinned in random part of the room, making them seem almost painful. "Not really." _

"_But this" She pointed around, "that's amazing Spencer. What is it you do then? For a living I mean." Downing her shot Spencer refilled them again. "I'm a bartender in a gay bar, the licker, maybe you know it. Been working there when I was in high school and when I came back they gave me a job right away. I'm also working freelance at a web based gay magazine, writing articles and whatever I accept they offer. Last year they've send me off to Dinah shore, to a cruise, some movie premiers, amazing. That's why I went to New York, won an internship and than stayed when they offered me a job. Had to get out of New York though and here I am again." Ashley was listening to her and hanging on every word she so carelessly said as if it was the receipt for a perfect living. When in fact, Spencer knew, there were tons of better and better paid jobs out there. She simply refused to get a grown up job just yet, still hold on to being young and free as hard as she could. "What you're doing? I remember you were supposed to go to meds school, right? And then you dropped out of school and went to Hollywood. Sorry to say, but I Haven't seen you on MTV or at the movies yet." _

_Ashley hysterical laugh made Spencer grin, the girl was too cute. "Right, no. Yeah, I was supposed to, but I've long since stopped acting like I wanted what my parents made me think I did. I don't know, it just seemed right, you know? Packing my stuff and leaving when I had the chance. And dropping out was the chance, I was free to do as I pleased and I fucking pleased a lot. So, having a personal identity crisis, I thought pissing off my parents with an acting career would help me find out who I am." _

"_Did you?" _

_A filthy grin appeared on her beautiful face and she bit her lip. "I found out I'm not Ashley Marie Davies, the San Francisco's Kennedy clan's offspring, never been that person." _

"_Who are you then?" Spencer was getting the funny feeling in her stomach again as Ashley turned back to seducing mode, eying her like she was a piece of meat she wanted to devour. "Just Ash, a starving tattoo artist who drink too much, fucks too much, and takes too much drugs." Spencer had seen Ashley's tattoos when the girl had been naked, getting fucked without actual enjoyment, and had wondered who had brought the ink into her skin. "You do tattoos?" "No, I make them." She winked again, slowly bringing her top up so Spencer could see a beautifully inked saying, maybe Latin, on her rip cage all the way up to just under her breast. "You like it?" Nodding dumbly Spencer's hand moved on its own to touch the soft skin again, to touch the words that seem to go on forever as her hand stopped just under the other girl's breast. Whispering Ashley met dark blue eyes. "It's not finished yet, there's a part to come right on the underside of my breast. Here." She took trembling fingers between her own and brought them to the thin skin, pretty much laying it in Spencer's palm and holding her hand possessively close. "What's gonna come there?" Spence gulped, watching her own hand being squeezed by Ashley's. "I'll tell you when you tell me what your tattoo means." _

_Ashley was inching closer, so much that she was again hovering above Spencer and straddling her. "The one right here." The brunette whispered before placing her lips just under the blond's jaw. She dragged her teeth gently across her neck and kissed the spot beneath her ear where her tattoo ran down to her neck. Three words. Scraping her teeth along the letters, Ashley's tongue followed as if to soothe the skin and then left three kisses on each word. Spencer was a heavily breathing mess by then, fighting against the urge to push up her hips for some friction. "What's it mean baby." It wasn't a question, it was a reminder of a question and was long forgotten when stealthily pushed her thigh between Spencer's legs to the place which was on fire. "Wild, unique and free." She panted when the thigh started a slow, yet firm rotating pace, hitting her poor bundle of nerve in the most perfect way. "That you are." Ashley practically growled and seemed to throw every caution over board as she pushed her whole body into Spencer, making the girl groan out in ecstasy. She never stopped or faltered her impacts, always dragging them out a bit more and longer until Spencer was writhing beneath her in desperate need of release. She had one arm around Ashley, bringing her that much closer, while her other was randomly grabbing parts of the other girl, mostly variating between her butt (under her shorts) and thigh to push her harder into her. She was pushing herself into the thigh, feeling that her breath turned into gasps and she was almost embarrassed at how fast she was about to cum but Ashley didn't mind, not at all. If anything, her enthusiasm doubled and she stopped her teasing, finally speeding up her movements so Spencer could arch up into her and hold her breath as she was so close. Something was missing though, and as if reading her mind, Ashley clashed their lips together in a bruising kiss, throwing Spencer screaming over the edge. _

_Fuck, Spencer thought as she gasped for breath, if Ashley brought her through dry humping into this state, she couldn't possibly imagine what would happen when she actually felt those fingers inside of her, or the cherry/vanilla tasting lips on her. _

_Her face was covered in kisses as Ashley gently and with oh so loving eyes wiped away a few sweat drops off her skin. Her smile was tender and her eyes so honest that Spencer thought, for one moment, that perhaps they could have something after all. With hope and blissfulness running through her vanes the blond flipped them over and kissed her lover sensually, a mile long difference to the way she had fucked her earlier, this time she tried a different approach. Hoping Ashley might like it this time and decide to stay. _


	4. Chapter 4

_Hello my lovely people :) _

_I'm sorry that it looks like I've forgotten about this story. Truth is, I haven't. I'm just a bitch who doesn't like writing when she doesn't get any feedback. I know, some of you always comment and it's not fair to you but I don't do it on purpose I swear. _

_It feels, sometimes, as if no ones really interested and then I ain't either. _

_Anyway, stop the whining now because believe it or not, I've got an update for you. Continues exactly where the other one has ended. _

irishinkjunkie1024 Thanks, you reminded of the story :)

CN: glad you like it

chicka23: my lovely stalker ;) nice seeing you here too

bengygay: glad you like :)

FFreviews: I think we have already figured out that she didn't really repress herself, there was simply no real enjoyment which is exactly Spencer's problem. If you keep reading, it might just surprise you.

CR00: yeah, I was going for that. I haven't read any story with a similar topic yet and I dont like writing what about a 100 others have written before. No one really talks about a woman's not liking the sex, it's always confusion, boyfriends, morals or god. never them but it happens.

_Oneliner: Thanks for the comment_

_Killerjen: hope you're still with me, drop me a line if you have something to say, dont be shy :) _

_Now you can choose a topic for the next chapter:_

_A: Spencer and the Carlins (with and without Ashley, past and present)_

_B: Spencer working and Ashley ambushing her there (past and present)_

_C: A bit of their time together before everything went to shit_

_Have fun and tell me what you think _

* * *

Spencer was panting, pushing the brunette's head away from under her hoodie. Her glassed over eyes locked on wild brown confused ones. "Ash, stop." She didn't scream this time, she didn't scowl or snap, she was tired of it. It broke her heart, day for day, and having Ashley try so hard wasn't making it easier.

Not when all Spencer had wanted since meeting her again had been Ashley. "Please stop."

There was a fight happening in Ashley, the blond saw it unfold, the beautifully confused and aroused brunette didn't know if she should follow the begging or simply continue. "What...what do you want me to do?" Her helpless question threw the blond off-guard and she had to look away, biting her lip to stop herself from crying again. She didn't realize when her hand had started to stroke through brunette locks, only when Ashley got to her feet and she had to stop doing it. "Please Spencer, tell me what it is you want me to do. I cant...I don't know what I'm supposed to do here."

Taking a deep breath Spencer smiled sadly, leaning forward she planted a short kiss on pouting lips. "Give me space Ash, please, just...stay away."

"But you like me."

"Ash."

"And I like you."

"You do."

"So...why don't we just stop this bullshit and go back to where we were?"

Eying her like she's lost her mind Spencer frowned, wondering if it was the drinks/drugs talking or if Ashley really didn't understand why it wouldn't work.

Why it _couldn't_ work.

* * *

**6 months ago**

_A loud noise, followed by a swam of curses brought Spencer back from the Tequila influenced dreamyland. She needed a moment to realize where she was, why her head was pounding like crazy, why she was naked and sticky and why there was someone cursing like a sailor in her flat. _

_When she did, her eyes flew open and she looked around wildly, stopping at a grinning Ashley fighting the coffee maker. "Morning sexy, slept well?" _

_Blinking a couple times Spencer tried to remember if Ashley had been that naked before she fell asleep, or rather, if it was normal for her to run around an almost stranger's place completely naked. She stood by the tiny counter, wearing absolutely nothing, as she grinned with bright eyes. _

_And god did she look beautiful. _

_A picture of a goddess, Spencer was sure Aphrodite had nothing on Ashley Davies. "Uh, yeah."_

"_How does this thing work? Cant get it to make me coffee and I'm dying here, need a serious coffee shot man." The brunette's rambled with a glare directed at the thing as if it had personally offended her. She had her arms crossed, a pout mixed with a glare on her face and kept throwing the electric thing deadly looks. It was too cute, Spencer decided, that sweet childish behavior was. "Are you laughing at me?" _

_Grinning, Spencer shook her head, watching Ashley with a look that told her how much she was actually laughing at her. Scoffing, the brunette narrowed her eyes and pounced on the blond, making her shriek as she tickled her naked sides. _

"_Say I'm amazing and that the coffee maker sucks!" Ashley demanded, pinning Spencer's arms to the mattress above her head. Her body was pushing the blond into the bed, only part of the blanket separating their naked, hot skins. "Never!" _

_A growl worked its way up the brunette's throat and the next thing Spencer knew were two fingers buried deeply inside of her, pumping and making her moan. Fastening her pace, Ashley's wild brown orbs never left blue and the girls panted in a physical competition of keeping the upper hand. "Say it." She mumbled into Spencer's tit, her teeth wrapped tightly around a pink, hard nipple as she tugged. "Uhhh" "Uh uh, say it." _

_But instead of announcing defeat, Spencer tangled her fingers in the brown mane and pulled until she could crash their lips together in a bruising kiss. Ash forgot all about the coffee maker and doubled her fingers' pace, bringing her left arm from Spencer's still pinned hands to the girl's right thigh. She brought her arm around it and pulled so the thigh was wrapped around her hips and she could thrust into Spencer deeper and faster. Their moans, pants and curses were bringing the blond closer to release with every passing moment. She was so close her shins' muscles started to clench and she tried to bring her legs together and push herself over the edge but Ashley wouldn't let her, she stayed between her legs and kept pumping, bringing her thumb to her clit she tipped it twice, hard. "Say it." _

"_You're a fucking walking wonder and the coffee maker sucks!" Spencer screamed out, pushing up against the fingers. "Now make me fucking cum!" Grinning evilly, Ashley attached her lips to Spencer's nipple and rubbed, as fast as she could, circles on her clit, her fingers diving into her furiously. _

_The loud scream, combined with her almost squeezing Ashley to death with her legs, Spencer trashed around, riding out her orgasm with the brunette's help. _

"_Where you going?" Spencer yawned, rubbing her eyes. She must've fallen asleep again after the other girl almost had fucked her through the bed. She woke up and felt the emptiness instantly, nowhere Ashley's warmth or the very prominent vanilla scent, and cherries. The girl was a mix between vanilla, her body, and cherries, her lips and hair. A very addictive mix for the blond. _

_Ashley's standing by the open window, dressed, she's having a smoke and drinking coffee out of a Starbucks paper cup. When hearing the hoarse voice she turned around and send the yawning girl a thousand watt smile, crinkling her nose. "Hey sleepyhead. Damn, you can sleep, cant you? I went on my run, had coffee with a friend, got home, showered, changed and came back in the hopes of finding you awake but lookie lookie, you were still out." She didn't look annoyed at all, rather pretty smitten if Spencer dared to think so. Her eyes followed Ashley's pointing look to the clock by her nighttable and she groaned, mentally preparing herself to get up. "I've got to work in three hours. Shit, why is it already five?" _

_Yes, it was five pm. Sure, they had gone to bed really late, it was about 8am, but still, sleeping in that long? She was awake once, got fucked, fell back asleep and slept through the whole day. _

_Ashley walked over to where Spencer was slowly getting up and thrusted a paper cup into her hands, grinning like a proud kid. "Brought you coffee, didn't know what you like...it's iced-coffee. Cant do much wrong with that, can I?" Chuckling, Spencer leaned up and pressed her lips to Ashley's, stunning both of them with the seemingly unconscious decision to do so. She coughed and averted her eyes, feeling herself blush. _

"_Awe, you're blushing! Isn't that just the cutest thing ever?" The brunette almost squealed, clapping her hands. Then she was on Spencer, hugging the daylights out of her and peppering her face with butterfly kisses. "God, you're so fucking adorable." _

_Smiling, a horrible blush covering every part of her skin, Spencer wrapped her arm around the fantasticly smelling girl. She kissed her mane and pushed her away then, grimacing. "I need a shower, like, right now." _

_The grimace mirroring her own made her almost grin, but Ashley's next words had her jaw drop. "Yeah, didn't want to say anything but you smell of something babe, and it ain't roses." She dodged Spencer punch with ease and danced away, laughing. "Go take your shower, do humanity a favor and call me when you get off work." _

_Furrowing her brows Spencer asked what humanity had to do with her calling Ashley. The brunette's eyes rolled again and she smirked, pinching Spencer's sides. "Nothing, obviously I meant you shouldn't run around stinking." She took the girl's hand and pulled her along to the bathroom where she placed her inside of the shower, removing the long shirt she was wearing. Her eyes roamed the tanned body in front of her and she licked her lips subconsciously, already leaning forward ready to devour the blond's body but Spencer held her at arms length with a smirk. _

_Confused Bambi eyes met hers, such an clueless expression that Spencer had to chuckle as she ran her fingers through thick brunette hair. "You were teasing me for hours, you really think I'm gonna let you have fun now?" _

_A nod, huge puppy eyes, and the most beaming smile she had ever seen were her answer and Spencer rolled her eyes, pointing at the toothbrush. _

_Ashley didn't waste any time, she handed it to Spencer with toothpaste already on top. _

_In four smooth movements Ashley stood naked in front of the blond, already inside of the shower and turning on the water. Spencer jumped when cold water hit her back, resulting in her pinning Ash to the cold tiles. "Fuck." Hissed the girl, flinching slightly but then the other had spit out the toothpaste and she was finally able to kiss the brunette beauty the way she had wanted since she woke up and saw her standing by the open window. _

_And the day's third round had begun. _


	5. Chapter 5

"_That'd be four-fifty!" She yelled over the loud rave music, bobbing her head to the beat. The poster child-baby-dyke in front of her, no older than 16, sent her a wink and walked away without waiting for her change. Shaking her head, with a grin, she pocketed the money and turned her head around to get the next order. _

_Another girl, not much older than the one before smirked at her, licking her lips. She was obviously drunk. "What can I get you, sweety?"_

"_How about you ignore her and give me a kiss?" Turning around, with a dropped jaw, blue eyes landed on a smirking Ashley. God, did she have to be that fucking...fuckable? She looked drop-dead-gorgeous and Spencer really had to close her eyes for one moment and calm the urge to bent her over that bar and do what the leather pants Ashley's wearing are begging her to. When she opened them again brown eyes were knowingly looking at her and the girl had her arms crossed under her chest, making her boobs stick out so much the blond feared they might pop out. "What? No kiss?" _

_Shaking her head, shaking herself out of really guttural thoughts, Spencer smiled and waved around. "Everyone would like that, what has you thinking you're that special?" _

_Ashley nodded, an intrigued and almost impressed expression on her face. "Fair enough. But I don't think they've had you screaming their name for most of last weeks nights." Feeling the crimson cover her whole face Spencer looked around wildly, of course the other baby dyke has heard her and was laughing her head off, winking. _

_What was it with the girls and winking? _

_She went to the end of the bar where Ash was sitting and wanted to give her a piece of her mind for embarrassing her but when she reached her, the girls arms encircled her shoulders and she pushed herself up on that stool, pressing her lips to Spencer's in a very possessive kiss. _

_And because she was a horny teenage boy Spencer let her gladly piss around like a dog on its territory. _

"_Hi." Ash mumbled into their kiss, pulling her impossibly close across the bar that was separating the blonde's abdomen from hers. "You were ignoring me."_

"_I wasn't ignoring you, we woke up like five hours ago. In my bed. Then we took a shower, together. I don't think that's counting as ignoring." _

"_Yeah, but you were ignoring my lips." She pointed at them then, making Spencer smirk at the adorableness. "Haven't gotten a kiss in almost a whole week. What's up with that?"_

"_Is that why you found it necessary to ambush me at work? Because you didn't get an goodbye kiss?" A raised brow, grin and shining blue eyes brought a very enthusiastic nod out of Ashley, not hiding it one bit. "Aren't you the clingiest girlfriend ever."_

"_That I am. But careful Spency you've just entitled me your girlfriend. This comes with a price, you know." _

"_I didn't mean that, obviously I was joking. I meant that I've kissed you all the time for days now, and then, well saying bye was weird."_

_But Ashley went on on a ramble about the 'price' of having her as a girlfriend, ignoring the other topic altogether. Throughout it, Spencer gave the poor BD her beer and waited on a couple others before she returned to the blazing brown eyes of one Ashley Davies. "See? That's not acceptable. You cant just walk away when I'm talking to you. Total fail, Spency. I really need to reconsider this arrangement."_

"_There's no arrangement." The blond laughed, pushing a Tequila shot in front of Ashley. "That'd be two-forty." _

"_As if I'd have to pay anywhere I go." Her eyes lit up then, as if she had the bestest of all ideas. "I'll offer my handiwork as payment. That's fine, right? I mean, you were pretty satisfied with what these amazingly talented hands can do." Spencer was still trying to recover from that statement when her co-worker rounded on her with a nasty grin, showing her she wouldn't like what was about to come out of her mouth. "Awe, that your new girlfriend? Hot, gotta give you that chicka." Madison winked at Ashley, resulting in the brunette blushing furiously and looking away. She wasn't used to being advanced by girls. "Hey babe, what's your name?"_

"_Uh..Ashley." She stuck her hand out awkwardly, suddenly very aware of where she exactly was and that this club was filled with lesbians waiting for fresh meat. The worst thing was that everyone could read that on her face. It made Spencer and Madison laugh, awing. "Awe, aren't you just the cutest? New to the power of pussy then? Good job you hooked yourself Carlin then, couldn't start better than with the best, yeah?" _

"_She's not exactly my girlfriend." The eye-rolling blond interjected but she was ignored and her correction was waved away by Ashley. "That's splitting hairs and you know it. You cant escape greatness Spencer, remember that. If you've had a ten once you cant go back to someone who's lower. It's a sciency fact, right Madison?" And the Latina was so fucking amused by Spencer's shocked expression that she had to nod. "Whatever you say Ashley, knew I liked you from the start. Too bad you're already taken."_

_"She's not. She's very free. Just go for it Mads, no dibs at all. Sharing's caring, right?" _

"_When are you getting off?" Madison asked, grinning wildly at the implication of her words. Of course Ashley couldn't resist jumping to the bait, with a smug expression painting her beautiful face which made her so much hotter. "As soon as her shift's over, of course." _

_Groaning, Spencer leaned over the bar and pressed her lips to Ashley's, hoping to shut her up for one moment and stop making her uncomfortable. "Go dance, I've still got an hour."_

"_But...all those..they...the...lesbians...they...will hit on me." Big brown eyes wide and fidgeting hands were the pure picture of nervousness and Spencer just had to explode in laughter. "You're at a gay-bar. What were you expecting?"_

"_Not that many eying me like meat." She whispered, glaring at one very close scooting woman that looked twice her age. "Go!" The blond laughed, pushing Ash off the bar stool. She turned her around balancing her weight on top of the bar, and slapped her butt playfully. "Go make them go mad." _

"_Your own damn fault if I'm off to New York with a new sugar-mama when you finally decide to join me. Your .Fault." _

_They heard her muttering with a shaking head as she made her way through the crowd. "Sorry, excuse me yeah, girlfriend, got a girlfriend. Nope, sorry, taken. Got a girlfriend. Yup me, I've got a girlfriend."_

* * *

_Watching Ashley getting lost in the music, no, being one with the beats, was the most erotic thing Spencer has ever witnessed without actually being naked with someone. It was captivating, trapping her mind in the dark corners of walls, dark alleys and wet panties, rosy nipple and cherry lips. She couldn't decide what to do. _

_If she walked up to Ashley, the girl would most certainly make her dance with her. _

_They'd end up screwing right there on the dance floor with a cheering audience. _

_If she kept creepily watching the other girl, Ashley would sense it at some point and dance up to her, very certainly ending with the brunette up against a random wall and Spencer's fingers buried deeply inside of her. _

_It was a win-win situation. _

_With a grin, she watched Ashley turn her head again but this time she opened her eyes and they locked on Spencer as if she knew she was there all along. Hiding in the shadows, perving. _

_Instead of walking towards her, the brunette's hands shot out and grabbed the bleached blond bimbo's hips she was dancing with, pulling her body flush against hers. With their grinding, Spencer teeth were grinding too. She knew she was being played, she knew Ashley was having fun with the mind games but it didn't make it easier to stop herself from walking over and dragging the girl away by her hair. _

_Fuck it, she thought. _

_Determinant steps were leading her towards the object of her latest obsession, the brunette goddess with a body made by the gods themselves. When she reached them, it didn't take more than a second for brown to lock on blue and then the nameless bimbo was pushed aside like a boring toy when a new one, better one, was waving. "Getting off?" Smirked the brunette, the random blond she had used to achieve her goal long forgotten as she swayed suggestively to the music._

"_Not yet." Spencer husked into the brunette's ear, grinning when she felt her shiver. "Thought you'd be interested in joining me." And the groan her offer brought our of the brunette was enough for her ego and pride to almost explode. _

_Spencer was very aware of the eyes glued to them, probably wondering why the brunette's not let anyone dance with her except that they saw how she willingly, smiling like she won the jackpot, let herself be pulled away and out of the club. By Spencer. _

_Yay. _

_They almost jumped out on the street, holding hands when the cold wind hit them. "Where to?" Spencer asked, grinning when Ashley's lips were busy gluing themselves to her neck. That girl really knew how to use what she had to make Spencer's knees go weak and ravish her so she'd scream herself hoarse night after night. "Back to mine." Was her hasty reply while she pushed the girl into the direction of their street. _

_They arrived twenty minutes later, a very fast walk, and Spencer almost groaned when she saw someone waiting by the door they were about to walk up to. This got Ashley's attention and then her face broke out in a huge grin. _

_Something fast, like flash, flew past the blond and then she was already in that man's arms, hugging him. "Oh my gosh James! You old fucking bastard! Where the fuck have you been?" _

"_They wanted my head, had to leave for a while til water passed the bridge and all. But look at you. A miracle, every time I see you you look more beautiful." _

_Standing awkwardly by the door Spencer lit a smoke and inhaled deeply, trying to get her raging hormones back under control. Ash turned around, as if she remember Spencer was even there by the noise of the zippo, and smiled apolitically. "Spency, this is James Anderson, my best buddy. He was gone, his parents were forcing him to go to Harvard and he politely declined." She had to grin at the description when both of them shuddered in fake disgust. _

_He reached for Spencer's hand and kissed it, winking. _

_She resisted the urge to roll her eyes though, didn't want to make a bad impression on her first meeting of Ashley's friends. "Hi James."_

"_Spencer, Spencer. You are simply breathtaking. A boyfriend waitin' for you at home?" _

_This time she did roll her eyes, in union with Ashley who slapped his broad shoulder while she giggled. "Stop it. That's mine to play with so don't try anything funny. No looksies, no feelsies. What are you here for? Don't you have a place to stay?"_

"_I do but I wanted you to ink me babe. I seriously need a new tat today." His eyes were urgent and obviously Ashley knew more than Spencer because she didn't question him, instead she nodded with a soft smile. "Sure, come on." Taking Spencer's hand when she opened the door, signaling that she wanted her to stay, she stage-whispered. "Beware Spency, now you're gonna see me do magic."_

"_Since when are you playing on the rugby team? What's with Aiden?" James asked through gritted teeth. Ashley was sitting on a tiny chair from where she had the best freedom to ram the needle into his naked back. He was laying on his stomach on her couch and Spencer was sitting on a huge armchair next to Ashley. The brunette had her free hand on the girl's thigh, arm, or anywhere she could reach from the position, she seemed to like having Spencer close and touching her, not only in bed. Except for when she had to stretch his skin to get a better picture of what she was doing, then she had to let go. _

_Spencer had to say that she was quite surprised. _

_She knew that Ashley was a tattoo artist, but she had expected it to be...well she didn't know what she had expected. But walking into the girl's flat wasn't it. Perhaps she thought she'd have a shop somewhere in the building, but no, she was doing it in her living room. A very beautiful living room/kitchen/dining room/tattoo studio/music studio. _

_She lived at the top floor, connected to the attic. Her whole place, easily four times as big as Spencer's, was a loft studio flat, meaning it had no walls or doors. Very artsy and very much a place Spencer would love to live in. When you got into the flat the first thing you saw was space. It appeared to be huge lacking all the doors and walls. Then you were already close to the 'dining room' which was a huge table, made of mosaic stones. Loads of different kinds of chairs that didn't fit together at all were scattered around it, making it all appear horribly warm and welcome, homely. Then there was a drums set, a couple guitars, a mic and other musical instruments. Loads of amps were scattered all across the room, a huge Marshall, bigger than Spencer, was planted against a wall where the TV was hanging above. Then there were a couple different couches, love seats, armchairs, bar stools and bean bags. The kitchen was by the far end of the 'room'. Simply wooden pillars were 'separating' it from the rest of the room. The pillars were turned into shelves with various kinds of alcohol and shot glasses. _

_Then there was one door, which led to the bathroom, and a window which opened and showed the fire escape stairs. _

_By the end of the room was a huge, open staircase, bringing you to the next level where the bedroom was. It had something similar to a door. It was a garage door which you had to pull down. _

_Spencer's went exploring when she had given the friends time to catch up but after being impressed by pretty much everything she came back to see them at work. She hadn't known where to sit and a smile broke out on her face when Ashley didn't look up as she reached for her and planted her in the armchair next to her. "If you're thirsty just grab something. Feel at home, yeah? I cant stop now." A kiss and smile were enough to convince Spencer that this girl could be the best thing that has happened to her, or the worst. _

_It was really magical, watching Ashley create this art. She was stabbing a picture into a man's naked skin, it was pure beauty. She was impressed by the result which was slowly showing, by the concentration on the brunette's face to make it perfect, and the soft atmosphere while the blaring riffs of Joan Jett's greatest hits filled the room. _

_It was a perfect mix, she decided, this whole place was purely Ashley and she couldn't help wishing to become a part of it all. _

"_So that's how I met this angel," grinned James, "she saved me from that gang of jock jacket wearing retards. Until I got to know her I've been thinking that I had to follow my parents plans for me. Thankfully Ash was around at the right time and seeing her, independent, free and most importantly; happy. Gave me the courage to say; 'Fuck you mom and dad, I'm going to be a mechanic." Spencer caught Ashley's embarrassed eyes and smiled gently, loving to hear stories about a Ashley Davies she'd have liked to know in high school, or college. "But enough about me. Spencer, Spencer, Spencer. You know that I cant help wondering how the hell you've managed to tap that?" _

_The brunette swatted his pointing finger away with an eye roll, promising that Spencer didn't have to answer. "Just ignore him, he's a right pain when he's drunk." She whispered, but her grin was proving that she loved having the young man around. _

_They seemed to be very close, reminding Spencer of her own friends she had to leave behind. Twice. _

_The first time she's left them when she ran away to embrace life and all it had to offer, and the second time when she ran back to where she came from after life threw too much shit at her. "But he's all right, I guess. Had to raise him, you know, polish the snobby popularity away. And look at what I've found buried deep beneath arrogance, stupidity, and an ego bigger than Asia; a very decent, presentable dude who knows how to live his life without mommy and daddy leading the way."_

_It wasn't hard to figure out that both of them were deeply scarred by their childhood. Not that Spencer assumed they were beaten, but they weren't allowed to be themselves and had to hide from the world and their family, walking in line as to not disappoint the dynasty. _

_When they had gone to the movies on their third day together (which was four days ago, they were by the end of their first week spent together), getting milkshakes after, Spencer had asked Ashley if she wouldn't miss her life at all. The perks of being a Davies, if she wouldn't miss who her parents wanted her to become. She would never forget the incredulous look the brunette had shot her, possibly questioning Spencer's sanity. Her voice had been something between a scoff and a growl when she tightened her grip on the blond's hand. "Right, yeah sure. I miss it horribly, Spency. Especially the familiarity and the deep bond we all shared. You know, that person they tried creating, Ashley Davies, wasn't me. Med school, dating the high school jock, being captain of the cheer squad, only A's and the perfect run from Kindergarten up to being chief of surgery wasn't what they had planned for me. They'd planned it for whoever they were going to raise. If I were a boy, I'd have done the exact same things, only as a Jock dating a cheerleader. If I were a nerd, I'd have been pushed and pushed until my interests would fit their plans. You see...they didn't care about me. They only cared about what they wanted, needed, and had planned for the family. I was merely a piece taking part in their biggest game; life." _

_Whenever she heard Ashley talk about her family, well, she didn't do that very often, but from time to time some sarcastic comment was made which was clearly aimed at the Davies clan. Whenever that happened Spencer couldn't be grateful enough for her family. _

_Family Carlin was a complete, awful, embarrassing mess. _

_She wouldn't want it any other way. _

_It all started with her mother, Paula, who had grown up in Ohio as a farmer's daughter. God had kept her from exploring the world and everything that was fun, so when a boy came to town with his class for a week, learning everything about brewing beer, she had told God to get a life and threw herself head first into a whirlwind affair with him. _

_Mike, or Mickey or something, Spencer couldn't remember but her mom would still sigh nostalgically whenever she was reminded of him or their time together. Then she had decided to leave the 2000 people town and see the world, took one huge army bag and twenty bucks with her, thumbing down cars on her way to L.A. She had met a couple uni-graduates who were on their way to see the Niagara Falls, and after spending two days with them in the old bully van, she had decided to tag along on their trip around the states. _

_Arthur, Spencer's father, and his best buddy Michelle were the next ones the group had picked up on some deserted side of the road. They were having a really fun time, traveling and seeing places she had only read about until then. Of course it hadn't taken them long to fall in love and well, to conceive Glen. Her mom hadn't been twenty yet and the dad hadn't had a job or a place to live but they made ends meet. They loved each other, they made each other laugh and they kept doing that until the day her dad had died when Spencer was sixteen. _

_Her parents hadn't been rich like Ashley's, but they were no poor working class people either. They bought a house when Spencer was one year old, her father building the furniture himself. He had been a god with tools and wood. _

_So he had started a company, not seeing sense in working for someone if he could be working for himself and have others do that too. The company was a huge success and they had moved to New York to open three other stores, making the central business in the city that never sleeps. From there on they had been fighting a lot, Arthur worked too much and wasn't home enough, so to fiddle his way through this, he moved the family to San Francisco where the kids could grow up with both their parents around. _

_The companies had them live comfortably, and to be honest Spencer never knew how much money they had, the only obvious thing was that they weren't flaunting it. They've had their house, a car for each of the adults and the kids had to save up money for their own rides. There was no sweet sixteen bullshit, Spencer remembered very well how many hours she's had to empty shelves in wall mart until she found that job at the bar to cover her part of the car money. _

_Wasn't a brand new Mercedes either, she had saved up about a grand, her parents had given her the half of what she had earned. So she didn't have more than 1.5 and that wasn't enough for a brand new kick ass car. Her heart still warmed up when she went for a ride with her old, VW Golf 2. Her dream car, it had always been her dream-car. To get it, she had needed to beg her parents to lend her another 500. Until the day it would stop running forever, Spencer wouldn't dream of getting another one. Ashley thought it was the coolest car ever, she loved driving it too when they'd just get in and drive across town through their old neighborhood._

"_Spency?" Ashley's forever raspy voice yelled and the blond shook herself out of her daydreams, meeting brown eyes with a raised brow. "Whatcha saying? Looks good, doesn't it?" And then blue eyes widened. _

_She was sure that she hadn't 'slept' that long but there on the man's back were the thick lines finished, showing what the tattoo would turn out to be in the near future. "Wow, when did that happen?" A smug grin was her answer and she had to lean over the armrest of the chair and kiss the brunette. _

_Ashley pulled away with an amused expression, smirking. "See? How could I resist that?" The rhetorical question was obviously for James and Spencer couldn't help wishing he'd leave soon so she'd have the time and opportunity finishing what they had started earlier. "Can I take a shower? I feel icky." When Ashley nodded absently, probing the freshly wounded skin on her buddy's back Spencer smiled awkwardly and waved, making her way to the bathroom._

* * *

_When she was in the spacious shower, enjoying the feeling of the hot water drops running over her body, there was a tiny knock she didn't hear. Jumping almost up the ceiling in shock when the plastic curtain was pulled aside Spencer tried to cover all her lady bits at once, looking quite ridiculous. Her face relaxed when her eyes landed on a highly amused, almost pissing herself, Ashley who was holding a towel. "Wanna join me?" But the brunette shook her head, not looking apologetic at all. "Sorry, cant. James wants to go out and see see Luke's, our buddy, band play. So just shut the door when you leave, kay?" With a last smile Ashley was gone, laughing at something James had said._

* * *

_Spencer was still sitting in Ashley's living room, drinking a beer, and watching TV while she waited for the brunette to come back home. She had texted her, just asking if she should wait because it wouldn't be problem for her, and Ashley had said that if she was up for it, she was welcome to stay. That was four hours ago and Spencer had a weird feeling in her tummy, she knew something bad was going to happen. Sometimes you just feel it coming, like the silence before the storm, you just know it's there. _

_And you know it's going to rip everything apart, leaving you behind to pick up the pieces after it's ran you over. _

_First there was noises, so fucking loud that she almost gasped (she was watching a horror movie). _

_Then there was people bolting up the stairs, sounding like there was a huge crowd in the middle of an mosh pit, jumping against the walls. _

_The last thing Spencer saw before the embarrassment and shock took over were four figures crashing into the flat, half of them landing on the floor, the other half against the 'kitchen' counter. They were making out, boy and girl, and another boy with another girl. _

_She was hurrying to get out of there unseen but of course Spencer had to run against a guitar and drop it, even though she tried to prevent that. All eyes were on her, all glassy, saucer like eyes, drunk and high as kites. Then there's giggling, Ashley was almost doubling over with laughter when she spotted Spencer's blushing form. "Spency!" Before she could flee Spencer was enveloped in a huge, slobbery bear hug and kissed. _

_Trying to stop Ashley because she was uncomfortable, the dude was glaring at her with an open mouth, Spencer pushed the other girl's head away every time her lips met her skin. It wasn't an easy task. "Stop it Ash." _

"_No, why?" Whined the girl, pulling Spencer close. "You're here, I wished you'd be here and here you are. Here. With me. Spencer. That's Spencer!" She yelled to no one in particular with a stoned grin. "My Spencer." _

"_Uh, Ash?" The boy she had been making out a minute ago snapped, throwing his hands up. "The fuck's that?" _

"_Spencer. Told you. You never listen, Aiden, never." _

_She hated herself for the way her body reacted to the name, and her eyes landed on the young man she hadn't recognized as the boy she knew from school. Something was burning in the pit of her stomach, jealousy, and with a last push she had untangled Ashley from herself. The girl didn't seem to mind, her arms just wrapped around her again as she leaned on Spencer's back. _

"_Yeah, I can see that. Why are you kissing her? You look like you're together." The way he said it, his face set in an ugly scowl, had Spencer look away awkwardly. "Pull yourself together. I know you're drunk but that's a bit much, don't you think?" _

"_Nope." Grinned Ashley and pressed her lips to Spencer's exposed neck, watching Aiden daringly. "Been doing that for a week now, and so much more than that." She bit into the skin and Spencer was gritting her teeth to stop herself from making any inappropriate sounds. "Even though we haven't figured out a way for me to enjoy it yet, we will, I'm sure. And until then I'll just practice my skills. You have no idea how good I am with a girl, Aid. I'm the perfect girlfriend material." _

_James had stopped making out with that nameless bimbo and shot Spencer a sympathetic look before shaking his head at his friend. "Uh, I don't think that's exactly what you are." Slapping Aiden on the shoulder he nodded towards the 'kitchen'. "Let's give them some privacy dude." _

"_Why?" _

"_Because you're not an jerk. Come on." _

_Ashley was watching Spencer with furrowed brows and crossed arms, standing in an defensive pose. She didn't know what the girl's problem was, they'd had fun, hadn't they? She was pretty sure she was really good at that girl thing, and she had fun with the blond. She had greeted her properly when they came back to hers, happy to see her and Spencer kept being a moody bitch shooting her dirty looks. She didn't understand. "What is it Spency? Why are you being a bitch?" _

"_Excuse me?" _

"_Well, I don't wanna have our first fight as a couple when I'm drunk, because I'll forget half of it and probably wont remember the make-up sex at all, and that'd be really shitty. I think make-up sex with you is fun, like all is. You know? It'd be sad. I think I'd be sad. Great, now I'm sad because I'll forget our make-up sex Spencer. Well done." She was pouting. Ashley had talked herself into missing out on an amazing experience's memory and Spencer was fighting everything her her heart threw at her. Like, 'god she's soooo cute', and 'why does she have to be so fucking adorable?' because she knew that it wouldn't change a thing. She was hurt and she had every right to be. _

"_There wont be make-up sex Ash, so don't worry." _

"_Why not?" Now brown eyes widened comically, and Ashley took two fast steps forward until she was directly in front of the blonde, squinting. "Make-up sex is best. And it's a rule for couples." _

"_We're not a couple Ash." Spat Spencer through gritted teeth. "I've no clue how the fuck you got that idea but we're not. Clearly." _

_The confusion was replaced by pain and worry as Ashley frowned, nodding slightly. "I know." _

"_Then why do you keep saying it? Why do you make me feel like we're heading somewhere and then you crash through the door with your lips attached to Aiden's? You knew I'd be here, you knew I'd be waiting for you because you said you wanted me to." Throwing her hands up Spencer shook her head. "I don't understand it. Since you came to my bar tonight you kept going on and on about us being together and then you go fuck Aiden." _

"_I was joking, Spencer. I know we're not together. I was flirting." Ashley explained lowly and slowly as if she was talking to a child. "I'm not stupid." _

"_It's not what this is about, Ash." "Then what is it about? Huh? Because I have no fucking idea and honestly? I don't think I want to do that right now. You're obviously on some jealousy trip, totally uncalled for by the way, and you act like I didn't push him away and came to you the minute I saw you." _

_Spencer sighed loudly and rubbed her tired eyes in frustration. "You really don't get it, do you?" _

"_No." Shaking her head Ashley glared. "I really don't." _

"_All right. I've gotta go now, only a few hours til I have to go to work." _

_When she made her way towards the wall where she'd put her shoes Ashley caught her wrist and pulled her back, making her stumble into her. Then she was turned around and found herself pressed against that wall her shoes were standing by, kissed furiously by Ashley. "You're not, you're working the day after tomorrow. It's your free days Spency." Mumbled Ashley between hot kisses._

_Spencer tried to push her away, well, she was convincing herself that she actually tried, but she didn't. Instead she pulled the girl in, crashing their hips together as she swallowed the brunette's moan. "Wait." In the end her mind won over her raging hormones and she was holding the very insisting girl at arms length. "What you said" "Doesn't matter now." Groaned Ash against her lips but Spencer couldn't forget. "Wait, wait. You said that we need to find a way you'd enjoy...this. Us, being together. You don't like it, do you? You still don't like it."_

_The week had gone by with the girls spending all their spare time in bed, on the table, against walls or pressed together in the shower making one another groan, moan, and scream. Spencer had been especially careful to watch Ashley's reactions to whatever she did. When she'd buckle her hips wildly, writhe beneath the blonde and pull out her own hair in pure ecstasy while she exploded Spencer had been sure that she'd enjoyed it. She couldn't leave Spencer's naked body alone for more than a minute without jumping her, that had the blonde think she also liked 'doing' it._

_She had had no idea that, obviously, Ashley still wasn't feeling it._

_With a groan Ashley rested her forehead against Spencer's and watched her through huge, hooded lids. "Can't we just have fun now?" _

_But that was the point, wasn't it? Spencer would always have it in the back of her head, that Ashley didn't actually have fun. "Are you having fun? If you're honest Ash, do you really like it? It's not for everyone, thank god, so it's really fine if you don't like it. But don't lead me on, be fair." _

_Nodding Ashley shrugged helplessly. "Truth?" _

"_Yeah." _

_And Spencer had no idea if she found it comforting that Ashley was almost clinging to her all the time since she came back home, or if it wasn't the best solution to think straight. She decided that she didn't care, not when the brunette's fingers absently stroked her bare skin wherever they could reach while she talked. "I'm sorry I overreacted the first time we've had sex. Don't know what was up with me, usually I'm not like that. I guess I was just a bit overwhelmed and I didn't know if I was doing it right. Maybe I was a bit uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean that" _

"_Great." _

"_No, no. Wait," Sighed Ash, holding on to Spencer's hips so she wouldn't leave. "I want that, okay? I'm feeling really good when we're together, and I'm having fun. I thought you liked it too." _

"_I do, course I do. But I don't want to get too close if you're just gonna fuck off with next best guy." _

"_You're still mad about Aiden? He was there, I was drunk, we talked and then we were making out. No big deal. He knows it's over." _

"_Didn't look like he does." Muttered Spencer before shaking her head, she hated being jealous. "Look, I'm not someone out of a teenage flick. I wont sit at home, suffering because I never know what you're doing just because I haven't established what we are. Being officially together, only dating, being in love, getting to know each other that's all one thing for me. When you with me, no matter in which way, you're not fucking anyone else. I'm not going to have that talk in a couple weeks, asking you to be my girlfriend, that's so cliché and not how life is Ash. I never liked it in school and I wont do it now." _

"_What are you saying?" _

"_I'm saying that if you want to see where this goes, I don't want you to fuck around." _

_Deadly silence hung over them while their eyes were locked in an staring contest, neither backing down. In the end Ashley sighed, a small smile tugging on her beautiful lips. "Pretty clingy." _

"_Oh shut up." Spencer pushed the girl's shoulder, grinning herself "I'm serious." _

_Rolling her eyes Ashley kissed Spencer's scowling lips. "Me too. I was never one for that high-school drama, don't think I've ever 'dated' anyone. That's something stupid, old people have made up so we wouldn't screw each other like teenagers want to, we'd wait til after dinner and the movies." _

_With a raised brow Spencer listened to ashleys ramble about the absurditiy of dating and that if she wanted to take Spencer for dinner, she'd just do it and not ask. "Also, I'd never ask you to be my girlfriend. I'll just know, when you're my girlfriend I'll know." _

"_Exactly." _

"_All right. Could we go upstairs now and screw each others brains out? You've no idea how horny I am all night long since I came to your bar." She giggled at Spencer's raised brows that had vanished in her hairline. "Also, I think I need to remind you of how I enjoy doing things to you just as much as having you make me scream." _

_Spencer couldn't help grinning when Ashley pulled her upstairs, to her bedroom, and kicked out the others without a moment of hesitation. "Ash, this is all just, I'm not in love with you or anything." She felt the need to tell the brunette that detail in case she misunderstood her desire not to share her. _

_Brown eyes locked on hers when the girl hovered above her on the bed, smiling tenderly._

_Moments like that were rare, where they'd just look at one another and get lost. Usually they'd have fun, joke around, bicker, flirt or fuck, when they weren't having amazing conversations, but simply looking into one an-others eyes? Not happening often. "I know." Promised Ash with a sigh, smiling reassuringly. "I get it. Wouldn't want you to screw some stupid bitch either, so I understand. You could've told me, though." Biting her lip Spencer tried to concentrate on Ashley's lips and what she was saying but her fingers tracing the skin under her short's waistband was making it one of the hardest things she had ever tried. "Promise me not to leave like that again, promise you'll give me the chance to explain or apologize or even scream. Just, " Ash averted her eyes, making Spencer give into the need to wrap her arms around her comfortingly, "just don't act like this is nothing. I don't know what it is, or what it'll be, but right now I think that we're on the same page. We want to see where this'll lead us. And for that we need to talk. So if something's wrong you need to tell me, and you also need to let me talk." _

_Spencer promised, with a very long kiss and extra thoroughly working on giving Ashley the best orgasm she had ever had. Ashley promised that she'd succeeded. _

* * *

** ()()()()()()()()()()()()()**

** Present/Exactly where they left off last chapter**

* * *

Staring at Ashley like she was out of her mind Spencer grabbed a lock of her own hair and twiggled it around her finger, pulling. "You lied. Over and over again. You've lied every time you looked at me and every time you talked to me. You didn't stop lying. You never did."

With a scoff the brunette leaned on the wall and crossed her arms over her chest, glaring. "All right. And you never lied?"

"What?"

"You didn't think of telling me about your girlfriend when you were fucking me, did you? Wasn't that important."

"My girl...I didn't have one."

"Yes you did!" Accused Ashley, angry at the blonde herself. "Rain, don't you remember her? You've been with her for years and then you fucked off back home without telling her." Seeing Spencer's eyes widen Ashley shook her head, a sneer on her face. "Thought so. How do you think I felt when she called me, begging me to let go of you?"

Spencer wanted to say so much but she couldn't, not when everything didn't make any sense. "You've talked to Rain?"

The tattoo artist rolled her eyes, her cold eyes. "Yes. A few times actually. I think she didn't like that I refused to let go of you."

"Why?"

"Because she wants you back, duh."

"Why'd you refuse to let go of me, I mean."

And then the coldness was gone and instead only pain and confusion appeared swimming in dark poles. "Because I cant. I cant. I physically cant be apart from you Spency." She had to close her eyes and draw in a huge breath through her nose, Spencer knew that she was trying not to cry. "I cant and I don't understand it. You hate me, you don't want me, and still, I cant let go. I cant let go because I see what this is doing to you. You're not well, Spence. You're tons of things but not well. And I hate it, hate being the reason for it and I am. I cant see it, you know. And I'd wish so fucking much you'd give me a chance to fix this, to make it better. To make you better again."

Spencer, with a devastated expression, told her that she couldn't. "But _why_ not?!" Exclaimed the brunette with flaring arms. "Why not? You don't know me, Spence. I know you think you do but you don't. Not really and you don't know what I want, or what I don't want."

"I know that you didn't want me."

"Of course I wanted you!" Screamed Ash, fed up by the stubbornness. "I fucking did, and I still do, okay? Wont cant you get it in your stupid head? I want you. I always wanted you. And, god, just please. Give me a chance to prove it to you."

A bitter laugh echoed through the quite walls and Ashley flinched like she was slapped, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. "Yes, right Ash. Prove it to me how? Like last time? Where we've been with each other for months and you acted like everything was fine and dandy? I don't think so."

"We weren't together." Ashley glared with flaring nostrils. "I wanted to be with you, you never did. Whenever it came up you reminded me that we were nothing but friends with benefits."

"Of course." Mumbled Spencer, wiping on her tired eyes. "I had to. I knew that something like this would have happened and it has, so yeah, I was protecting myself. Just, just stop. Okay? Fucking stop stalking me. Stop wooing me, it's not cute and adorable. It's annoying. I've had enough. Just leave me alone."

When Ashley's eyes filled with fresh tears Spencer had to look away to stop herself from reaching out. But she couldn't.

Ashley had the power to break her completely.

She had broken her once, by accident, only because she had tried protecting her. Spencer was scared to find out what she could do with the whole package. No matter what great woman Ashley had turned out to be, Spencer couldn't risk getting hurt like that again.

It had hurt too much. That one thing, happening by their end, had been too much.

Her ego had been broken, it still was. But hurting like hell was also her heart, breaking every time anew when Ashley had had a drop of alcohol or a pill and couldn't keep her distance.


	6. Chapter 6

_I'm so sorry for taking so long to update. Here's an extra long chapter for you guys. fifteen pages, hope that's enough of an apology. Thank you again for the amazing reviews, they always make me giddy. Feel free to criticize away, or to tell me what you think. I know that this isn't your typical Spashley romance, but I think we've all grown up and over Disney-wishful-dream-relationships. _

_I've had comments and messages asking about their past, so here it is. Learn about the beauty of having an affair with Ashley Davies. _

_That said, off you go. Have fun :) _

* * *

"But, but it's your birthday."

She couldn't listen to Ashley anymore, couldn't listen to her pained words, breaking voice and sniffing. She couldn't watch her either, couldn't watch her face being that upset, couldn't watch her wipe her tear-streaked cheeks in frustration. It hurt.

"I cant leave you now, not like this."

She was shaking her head vehemently, planting herself firmly against the ground they were sitting on, as if to make a point. Her fingers dug into the dirty carpet, white knuckles, rooting herself to the spot.

Her huge, expressive dark eyes were completely taken by sadness and when Spencer's didn't look away fast enough her heart ached, showering her with sorrow so great she wanted to close her eyes forever and never open them again. They were haunting her, wherever she was, whatever she did, Ashley's eyes were constantly staring at her. Sometimes through some elderly lady's glasses, sometimes through a cheeky tomboy's shining orbs. No matter when and through who they bore into her, reminding her of how unhappy she was, she couldn't look away.

"I'm meeting someone soon, cant stay here in the hallway forever Ash." She lied.

Lying was something Spencer had never been very good at. She didn't had to, never needed to lie to anyone when she was a child or teenager. She'd get upset and blush horribly when she'd try, but the lost emotions and constant pain she had to numb made the lies flow off her tongue with ease.

"Liar."

Not everyone was fooled though, not Ashley.

That thought was making her lips twitch upwards, of course Ashley would see right through her bullshit, but instead of sending the girl the smile she was fighting Spencer scowled.

That scowl she wore was almost an additional inventory her face had adapted.

She'd been scowling for so long she almost forgot how smiling felt like. She had to forget, otherwise she'd lose her mind. It hurt too much, remembering how happy she actually could feel was hurting every little piece of her. How happy Ashley could make her, had made her, was making her.

* * *

_Something was tickling Spencer, who was feeling like she had fallen asleep an hour earlier. "Urgh." Swatting away whatever it was that tickled her face, she grimaced, clenching her eyes shut tightly. "Off!" _

_When she was growled at Spencer opened her eyes slowly and let out a loud yelp, scattering backwards to the headboard. Her heart was racing, almost beating out of her chest when the huge thing came closer, its gigantic tongue slobbering all over face. "ASHlEEEEYYY!" Her horrified screech was answered with booming laughter from downstairs, followed by small footsteps. _

_The brunette appeared through the hole, the garage door which was the door of the bedroom. Her expression was smug but then she softened and cooed, jumping to the bed so she'd cuddle with Spencer and their guest. "Who's that?!" Her voice was still an octave higher than usually and Spencer tried, unsuccessfully, to press herself into the wall and disappear. _

"_That's Zera. Awe, she loves you." _

_Zera was a huge pony, Spencer decided no dog could be that massive, it had to be a pony. She was a mix between that Beethoven dog and the huge ones living in the mountains with all the fur. Of course the blond liked dogs, she's always had one or two but that, **that** was unexpected and woke her up. _

_Zera's huge face was inches from Spencer's, breathing at her with this huge tongue dangling out. Sitting on the blond's legs, effectively trapping her to the bed, the dog was slapping her tail against the blanket in excitement. "You've gotta say hi Spency, you'll make her sad." Scolded Ashley with a head-shake, crossing her arms in fake disappointment. _

_Rolling her eyes at the oh-so-funny girl Spencer reached out and tangled her fingers in soft fur behind the huge creatures ears. She hadn't expected her to jump into action and drop to her side, almost breaking Spencer's legs in the process. Seeing her lay there on her back, all paws stretched out, the blond screeched in delight and buried herself in the soft dog, cuddling her. _

_Their laughter filled the quite place, making the dog bark along. _

_When she decided that she really needed to see the toilette, Spencer pushed the dog gently off of her to get up. She's apologized with a few strokes to her snout when Zera whined bitterly. _

_The bathroom was downstairs and when she left it, feeling more human now that she's brushed her teeth and cleaned her dog-spit covered face, her eyes lit up at the scene in front of her. Ashley was making breakfast on her open kitchen counter and the dog stood on its hind paws, holding on to the counter as she watched the brunette's every step with interest. _

_Ashley must have sensed Spencer's return because she winked at the dog and nudged her head almost invisibly lightly towards the blonde. Next thing Spencer knew she was pushed against the closed bathroom door, hugging a huge dog who acted as if it was human. Its fore-paws around Spencer's shoulders and the enormous head, which was bigger than Spencer's, rested on her shoulder. The stunned girl kept laughing, completely smitten. "Oh my god, I love her." _

"_She loves you too." Grinned Ashley, crinkling her nose in that adorable way which makes Spencer want to jump her every single time. "What's not to love, right?" And the cute, clueless flirting was a fucking bonus that made it so easy to forget that she was, in fact, more with Ashley than anyone else at the moment. _

_Since they had run into each other there hadn't been more than a day where they'd not seen one another. _

_Most of the time they were in bed, just living out Ashley's new found sexual desires and Spencer's mission to enjoy it while it lasted. Then there were other times where they'd just get coffee, watch a movie or go dancing. Spencer liked watching Ashley work, seeing her ink other people's skin, giving them a piece of herself forever was really beautiful. But being there when she'd get an creative episode at 4am and grab a guitar, strumming away something she was hearing her head, was most inspiring. _

_There'd been times Ashley got stuck, not quite managing to master the melody her mind was firing at her. She'd yell for Spencer who was leaning down from the open 'hallway', her head hanging in midair as she watched Ashley work downstairs. "Grab the strat baby, you'll know what I mean." Then Spencer would be forced to play a Fender Stratocaster (she was more of a Les Paul girl) trying to hear and decrypt Ashley's humming. Most of the times they'd nail it, resulting in a very grateful Ashley eager to thank the other girl properly. Other times they'd fail, big time, and lose interest until the next time the brunette would be hit by that same melody. _

_It occurred to her that she was getting attached, without having realized that it was happening, Spencer knew that they were both getting too attached. _

_Whenever her mind wandered down that road Ashley would appear, like right now, with her winning smile and she'd kiss Spencer casually when passing her. Her middle finger and pointer on the nape of Spencer's neck while she stroked her throat with her thumb, just like that, when she walked by her. The casualness of the gesture, combined with the quick peck, was so much more than just being buddies who are having their fun together._

* * *

"_I'm excited. You think they'll like me?" Ashley was grinning nervously, trying to mask her fear of having the Carlin family drag her out of the house by her hair. "They know my family, they'll think I'm a stupid posh snob." _

_Rolling her eyes the blond pecked Ashley's jaw, smiling gently. "My family's amazing. They'll embarrass me in a very supportive way, you'll see. You don't have to come, you know that. If you're not comfortable just stay. It's fine." _

"_How would that look? No way. I said I'd come, and I will." Exclaimed the brunette, horrified. "They'll think I'm a lousy girlfriend." _

"_Not my girlfriend." Reminded Spencer absently as she looked for her phone in Ashley's huge condo. "Seen my phone?" Because she hasn't looked at the brunette, Spencer didn't see the frown on her beautiful face which her words had made appear. "Baby?" _

"_Uh? Oh yeah, it's upstairs." Mumbled Ashley, already making her way to get it. _

_She came back with the phone, by then she's had the trademark grin back on and walked toward Spencer determinately. Reaching her, Ashley's arms wrapped around her and she was kissing her like they wouldn't need to leave in a few minutes. _

_When her hand made it's way down Spencer's thighs, bringing her close by her butt, the blond groaned. Shaking her head. "We cant. My parents will be there already." But as talented, vanilla-coke tasting lips ran over her neck, nibbling and sucking, she couldn't do much than pull Ashley in. _

_Rushing through Spencer's front door they tried to hold in the giggles, but the whole situation felt like they were thirteen. Expected to be home but being late because of hot making out sessions. The first thing they saw was Paula's expressionless face, only a raised brow hinted at her being curious of what they had been up to. Glen, Spencer's brother, was howling with laughter, clapping his little sister's back appreciatively. "Awe, dad'd be so proud." _

_Paula finally let a smirk past her thin lips, making a nervous Ashley breath again. "You must be Ashley. Almost didn't recognize you without the blond hair. How are you doing honey?" Thankfully Spencer had warned her mother not to bring up Ash's parents, Paula would've ran into that one right away. _

"_I'm doing pretty well, thanks Mrs. Carlin. What about you? Heard you're owning your own business now, wood merch, right?" The older blond grinned happily at her daughter, already liking Ashley. She, not so secretly, winked at the mortified girl who's eyes widened. "Mother! Don't be embarrassing." Was hissed at her from a creepily smiling Glen. _

"_Whatever." Muttered Spencer. "Who wants Chinese?" _

"_You cooked?" _

"_Nope. Learned to use a phone mother." _

_Ashley was watching the easy-going attitude the Carlins seemed to have practiced over years of comfortable and fun spent together. _

"_Awe come on Ash, you cant tell me you don't miss it. Even I still dream about your old cheerleader uniform." Spencer hit her brother over the head with a towel, glaring but her lips were twitching when the same exact thoughts ran through her mind. _

_Ashley gasped, pointing an accusative finger at the blond. "You're supposed to be on my side." _

"_I am" She promised, giggles shaking her body, "but, do you still have it by any chance?" When the oh so innocently asked question hit Ashley she couldn't keep a straight face anymore. She laughed along, washing the dishes and giving them harshly to a hysterical Glen. _

"_Stop the dirty talk, mother in the room." _

_Three smiling heads turned toward a very tipsy Paula swaggering into the kitchen, she leaned the counter. "You know Spencer, gotta say that Ashley's actually pretty wonderful. You should hold on to that." _

"_I'm not 'holding' it mother." Rolled off the younger blond's tongue with ease, a lie she's practiced over the past month until it almost felt true. "We're just friends." _

_A very disbelieving, very highly raised brow on her mom's face was her answer, but Paula nodded. "Fine. Then I supposed I shouldn't invite her to the party?" _

"_What party?" Asked the brunette. _

_Spencer's big eyes, all excited and shining hit her and she couldn't help but wish she'd be there, because it seemed like something amazing. "It's awesome. We go on a trip once a year, just us. Everyone gets to pick a place, we put it in a hat and choose randomly. Last year I've won." _

"_Right. That's why we had to wander the fucking Grand Canyon." Muttered the only young man in the room, not impressed by his sister's choice at all. "If you make us hike again I wont talk to you Spency. For a whole month." _

_His threat was answered with a huge smile, batting eyes and a retort making Ashley double over with laughter. "Really? Please promise Glen, please." _

_Paula announced, all of a sudden, that it was time to go home. "Call a cab, sweety, will you? I wont let that Neanderthal drive my car." She pointed, not very stealthily, at a scowling Glen. _

_They said their goodbyes. Lots of hugging and kisses later Paula was being led into the yellow car by her son, waving at the two girls standing in the window. "Bye lovelies! Don't forget to make Spencer bring you on the trip Ash! **You're invited!**" _

_Brown locked on blue, both girls smiling shyly at one another. "That was, uh, unexpected." _

"_Yeah." _

_And then they chuckled when Paula dashed over the seats and started honking, much to the driver's horror and Glen's embarrassment._

* * *

_Ashley was out buying ink, needles or other utilities she needed to scar pictures into people's skin. The blond had stayed behind in the girl's condo, as she did most of the days. They variated between Spencer's and Ashley's places, yet in the end they always seemed to end up at the brunette's apartment. "It's your door." Spencer had mused one night, staring lovingly at the garage- like door of the bedroom. "It's a real magnet." _

"_A pussy magnet?" Was yawned and Spencer had shrieked, tickling all the places making Ashley writhe and squeal. _

_The blond walked around the huge room, cleaning away plates and glasses they hadn't bothered putting away in days. Then there was a knock. _

_Not thinking anything strange she made her way over and opened the door, expecting to see one of Ashley's buddies or a customer she had forgotten about. What she hadn't expected to come face to face with was the authoritative figure of Mrs. Davies. She had only known her from when she'd march into school and demand answers, for one thing or another. _

_So seeing her scowling face, so similar to Ashley's yet so different, she unintentionally shrank away. _

"_Who are you!?" _

"_Uh, Spencer Carlin. A friend of Ash's." _

"_Where is Ashley?"_

"_Out getting supplies. She should be back in about an hour though. Do you want me to take a message to her?" _

_A scoff was all she got in return to her kindness and Spencer shuffled uncomfortably. It got worse when blue eyes, Christine Davies was having the most stunning blue shade of eyes known to men, traveled across the huge room, judging Ashley. "No, thank you. I'll wait." _

_Spencer's eyes widened but before she could react the woman was already in the room, walking from part to part in search of a place to sit. _

_She followed her hastily, wishing nothing more than just to leave but she knew she couldn't do this to Ashley. Couldn't let her run into that trap without any backup. So, with a sigh, she asked if Christine would like something to drink while she waited. _

"_No, thank you. And I don't need a babysitter either. I promise I wont steal anything, so you can run along now." Not good, Spencer thought, desperately searching for a reason why she could stay. The first one coming to her mind wasn't the best but it was out of her mouth before she could think about it. _

"_I'm actually living here." _

"_Is that so? Who knew Ashley would need help paying rent. This wouldn't have happened if she only had embraced the chances she was born with." Something about that sentence made Spencer gulp, it wasn't a thing a mother should be saying, it didn't sound right. _

_The next twenty minutes were spent watching each other over mug of coffee, which Christine found tasted like watered brew. _

_Spencer had sent an S.O.S. Text to Ashley, begging her to come home soon before her mom would behead her for breathing to loudly. _

_It took the brunette exactly half an hour to barge through the front door, empty handed but with a face like thunder. She ignored Spencer, who had stood up and was already by her side. Instead she marched up to her mother, mirroring her scowl. "What the fuck are you doing here?!" _

"_Now Ashley, is that any way to talk to your mother?" _

"_Don't know. Never had one. So again, what the fuck are you doing here? And how the hell did you find out I'm back?!" Even though Ashley's voice was leveled and appeared to be calm there was storm in her eyes, a hurricane at the back of her throat that made her look like the most dangerous girl on earth. _

"_I'll let that one slide, who knows what you learned over the years. If it's anything like your 'roommates' behavior we'll have a lot of work to do. And to answer your kind questions; your friend's parents told us. We had brunch last weekend and they said he had called them, needed money again. Of course he had mentioned that you've just scarred him for life." _

"_It's a tattoo."_

"_Yeah, well. It didn't take much persuading for him to give me your address. Only five grand, your friends are cheap." _

_Ashley's nostrils flared and she next words were pushed through gritted teeth, she was visibly shaking with anger. "Do you have any idea what you've done to him? How this will effect him, Christine? He'll never forgive himself, never. You knew he was in trouble and you used it against him. You're a monster." _

"_I don't know. I think I am a caring mother who wants to see what her runaway daughter is up to. You never called." _

"_That was intentional, you know that, don't you?" _

"_Tommy-rot." Waved Christine away. "You were rebellious. It's not too late, Ashley. You're my daughter and I am here to help you." _

_Ashley's eyes softened for a moment, uncertainty getting a hold of her, but then her mother opened her mouth again and broke the spell. "How much is the rent? You need to get rid of the girl. How does that look? My daughter sharing a place with a bartender. I'll pay it, don't worry. We have a few colleges on hand who'd gladly take you in, even now in the middle of the semester. You should come by tomorrow and we'll have a look what they've got to offer. I think the UCLA volunteered to give you a suit and a car if you start next month. We should get it sorted though, who knows what the others are able to give?" Seeing Ashley's disbelieving expression Christine sighed. "I know that you wont study medicine. We've made our peace with it, believe me. No one would take you in anyway, you're too old and too spontaneous. How about art? Perhaps you could study what you love most? It would be shocking, but if you're good, and if we invest enough, you'll make a name for yourself." _

"_I'll live up to the Davies name you mean." _

"_Ashley." A head-shake. "I'm only thinking about you. You're father would be so proud." _

_And it was then that Ashley lost all the fight she didn't know she'd still have inside of her when her mother was concerned. She remembered the exact same words being said days before, and how they had brought smiles to people's faces and not made them feel guilty of something they shouldn't feel like that about. "I want you to leave."_

"_Be reasonable Ashley." _

"_I'm serious. Please go." _

"_I hope you know what you're doing. If the girl isn't out of here by Sunday I'll buy the place and have her kicked out." _

_Spencer felt that it was the perfect moment to stand her ground, to stop whimpering every time the woman looked her way. "I don't think that you can do that, Mrs. Davies."_

"_Shut up Spencer." Hissed Ashley, angry. Then she turned to her mother, new rage building inside of her. "If you don't leave now I'll have you removed, I swear to god I'll call the cops." _

_Christine tutted, the picture of a disappointed mother as she made her way for the door. "Come by tomorrow, we'll talk colleges and money. Oh, and bring your boyfriend. Haven't seen Aiden in a long time." Then she was about to go but Ashley's next words froze her in place. _

"_Won't happen. I could bring my girlfriend, though." _

_Without any other remark Christine left, ignoring the way her daughter grabbed Spencer's hand demonstratively._

"_Are we gonna talk about this?" _

"_No."_

"_Why not? You're fuming." _

"_Because I don't want to talk." _

"_It cant be easy, knowing she's that cold and manipulative but you've got yourself an amazing life Ashley. You don't need her telling you what to do." _

"_Oh really? And you know that, how exactly?" Ashley turned away on her side, her naked back facing Spencer. "I wasn't lying you know. I am a starving artist." _

"_It's not that bad."_

_Ashley turned around sharply, her eyes shooting daggers at the blond. "Right. You've had a look at my fucking bank account or what? I'm living off of credit cards. Loan after loan Spence. I've made more debt than I'll ever be able to pay back. What you think I'm getting paid for a tat?" _

"_Uh, I don't know." _

"_Exactly. Neither do I. I am good, actually I'm a god with a needle but people don't know it. I don't have the money for ads or commercials, I don't have a shop in the hippest part of town and I certainly don't have the best rep. I cant charge them, the few that actually come, like I should because than I'd never have them spread the word. Truth is, Spencer, buying this place has me struggle to pay, month for month. Yes it's mine, but everyone forgets that most people have to pay off the debt they took up for a place. So no, it's not mine, it belongs to the bank. Like everything else here too. My Les Paul? Worth almost 3 grand, had to deposit as security for another credit I needed to buy utilities with, and live off from. So yes, I'm really sorry I'm breaking your world-view but I am considering my mother's offer."_

_Spencer didn't know what to say. She'd assumed Ashley was doing okay, her carefree and happy attitude, her love for the art she created, her easiness with everything had made her think that the girl could never have consider going back to the hell she's struggled so much to break out of. "I had no idea." _

"_Yeah, how would you? You're not my girlfriend, or my roommate, or anything 'cept for a friend I'm screwing, right?!" The snarled words hit where it hurt and Spencer swallowed dry before nodding. "Right." _

"_Anyway," mumbled Ashley, slipping on some lose pants and an band shirt with cut-off sleeves, making it hang from her shoulder. "gotta go. Close the door after you leave." _

"_Where are you going?" _

"_Out."_

"_Where to?" _

"_What the fuck is it to you? It's none of your business Spencer. I'm a free person so stop being clingy." _

"_You know it's not that. I worry." _

"_Well stop. I promise I wont fuck anyone." The cold eyes, sarcastic voice and scoff the sentence was finished with made Spencer look away and blink into nothing. Too attached. "Wouldn't want you to act like you have a say in what I do or not. Since you're not my girlfriend." _

_And they were back on that subject. _

_Whenever they'd 'fight', Ashley'd spit the words out like an insult, a clear pointer at how much she actually hurt every time Spencer would announce that they weren't a couple._

* * *

_Spencer was sitting on her windowsill, humming away to her electric guitar she was strumming on randomly. Her eyes were fixed on nothing in particular, she was just enjoying the cool evening. Of course she'd never admit to herself that her eyes were constantly drawn to Ashley's windows, wondering what was going on behind those closed curtains. Earlier that evening she'd seen Ashley come home, with her mother in tow, and three men who were carrying equipment but she couldn't see what it was. _

_One thing Spencer knew though, from the way Ashley had let her mother hug her when the older woman left an hour later. Ashley had sold out. _

_The next days were spend with nothing but work, drinks and friends for Spencer. She needed to get her mind off of things, off of Ashley and she was succeeding. It was late, almost 5am when she stumbled back home from her shift and a party she'd gone to afterwards. A cute girl was hanging on her arm, giggling and struggling to walk straight as they made their way up the few steps of the block. _

_Spencer's vision cleared when her eyes landed on Ashley, sitting on the highest stairs, beer bottle lazily holding between thumb and index finger. "Wow, look Meg, it's Ashley." _

"_Hi Ashley." Giggle Meg, swaying. _

_The brunette's eyes went from the small black haired girl back to Spencer, where they stayed. "Been often out lately, have you?"_

"_Yeah, you know how it is." Shrugged the blonde, kinda looking weird because one shoulder went up all high and the other didn't move. "Meeting lots nice people." _

"_Yeah."_

"_You want anything in par..pati...par.."_

"_No." Saved Ashley her with a small smile. "No, just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out, is all." _

"_Kinda busy." _

"_I can see that." _

"_You should ask Aiden. I bet he's up for it." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and from the way Ashley flinched Spencer knew that the girl had been hanging out with him again. She sighed. "Sorry." _

"_Na, it's fine." Getting to her feet Ashley smiled at them, shrugging. "I'll leave you to it then." _

_The girls watched her chugged down her beer and leave the bottle on the stairs before making her way across the street. "She's nice." _

"_Yeah."_

"_And hot."_

"_Yeah."_

"_She's straight, isn't she?"_

"_Yeah."_

* * *

_Spencer was nervous. Her hands were trembling and she was sweating, but Madison kept talking her down and it was the Latina who knocked in the end. It took Ashley about two minutes to buzz them up, without asking who it was. _

_After three flights of stairs Madison was complaining. "She living on mount Olympus?" _

"_Not quite, but close enough." The brunette's voice commented, amused. "What you guys doing here?" She acted as if nothing weird had happened and they were just friends popping by unannounced as she hugged them. "Come on in." _

_Spencer's eyes widened when they saw what the place, she's been at for a month in a daily basis, had turned into. _

_There were room dividers, everywhere, instead of guitars and vinyls old paintings covered the walls and pictures of the Davies clan. Gone were the brick walls, sterile, white hospital like wallpaper was now everywhere and new furniture too. _

"_You like?" _

_But, too stunned to say anything, Spencer nodded. Her eyes were glued to the huge TV hanging off a wall, which wasn't there before. A whole home-system was put up, with huge speakers splattered across the rooms, a beamer, various entertainment devices and pretty much everything too expensive for Ashley to get other than from her mother. "So, what's up?" _

_Madison nudged Spencer on her way to the kitchen, which now had a proper door. It was her way of saying; do what you need to do, I'll get a drink. _

_When they were left alone, standing in awkward silence, Ashley followed Madison retreating form with a smirk. "She's refreshing." _

"_She's annoying." _

"_It's refreshing."_

"_I bet it must be." _

_When that was out they broke eye contact and couldn't stand the tension. Spencer knew she'd have to say something or this would blow up in her face. "I uh, I was thinking of getting a new tattoo." _

_And she remembered why she had felt the need to go to Ashley. The way the girl's eyes lit up, thousand ideas running wild behind her beautiful eyes, and the excited bouncing were the reason. "That's awesome! You've got an idea?" And because she was just that good at what she did, Ashley didn't bombard the blond with ideas, in case she did have her own and would be drawn away from them by new inputs. _

"_Actually I was hoping for something new. Something exciting. I've seen this documentary on old Mayan cultures and there was the tradition where they'd take the person they were trusting the most and they'd tattoo their backs, without them knowing if they knew how to do that properly or how not to kill them while at it. I thought it would be amazing, an exciting thrill if I let someone do that to me." _

_Worried brown eyes locked on hers and Ashley shook her head. "Don't do that Spence. When someone hasn't done it before it's bound to be hideous. You'll have it your whole life, you know." _

"_I know" the blonde grinned, "I thought a god should do it, a god with a needle." _

"_You want me to ink you?" _

"_Would you?" _

"_Well", Ashley hesitated, looking round her place. "I don't know. I mean, do have an idea? Or a drawn painting of it?" _

"_No. I know that you love to let your creativity make it. I thought I'd give you instructions where you'll do it, but other than that, you're free to create whatever you want." _

_And Ashley's eyes widened a bit more, the excitement was back and she was bouncing. Her hands shot out, grasping Spencer's hips. She turned her around, gently tugging up her shirt so she's see her naked back. Her fingers were tracing the soft skin, ink-free, while she hummed. "Your back?" Her index dragged down the girls spine, bringing out goosebumps. "Or here?" She finished her fingers journey by Spencer left rips, stroking them from the back to the front. "All the way from here...to...here, just underneath your breast?" _

_It was the same place, just opposite side, Ashley had her own Latin saying. "Or," She husked, her voice an octave deeper than it usually, "we could start at your spine, link it with the one on your neck, down to your tramp-stamp and make it go both sides across your ribcage so it'd meet again under your breasts." Spencer was shivering by then, the girl kept gently dragging her nails along the places she'd mention, cupping her breasts at the end. _

_Unintentionally Spencer arched her back, pushing her tits into the girl's palms at the same time lips latched onto her neck. _

_Ashley understood the signs, knew it was now or never, so she yelled something about more drinks being under the oven for Madison and that they'd be right back. Then she lead Spencer to the next room, which happened to be the bathroom. Not letting go of the blond, Ashley pushed her against the cool tiles, bringing her lips to every part of the girls exposed back she could reach. Her hand, the left one, was already making its way to the front of Spencer's lose pants, not hesitating to push her fingers inside and curl around the panties until she'd feel the girl's swollen clit. _

_Spencer's head fell forward, her forehead leaning on the cool surface as she pushed her hips against firm fingers. Ashley was so close that she was practically one with Spencer, not leaving her any room for much movements, but she didn't need to. The brunette's had her gasp and moan in no time, cursing her low self control. "Come on, spread your legs a bit baby." Was whispered into the back of her neck, and Spencer couldn't do much than obey, almost automatically. A low growl was Ashley's response to the wetness she's found, not wasting any time in thrusting two fingers deeply into the bucking girl. _

_For a moment time froze, they stood motionless, basking in the moment and then, when Ashley's lips tugged on Spencer's earlobe, her fingers started a slow paced but so firm rhythm. "Fuck, you feel amazing." _

_Ashley had started to get really vocal during sex after a few first attempts. Had found that she liked hearing Spencer, and telling Spencer whatever she felt. It occurred to her that the blond hadn't said anything yet, her teeth were gritted and her eyes clamped shut like she was focusing on not making a sound. She didn't like it. _

_Her index and thumb took the girl's clit in between them, dragging the skin up and down. It brought her gasps and moans, a start. "Come on, I know you want to say something. Don't hold back baby, I know you. I know how you work." Then, as her fingers were still doing that thing, she readjusted her hand so she's get her middle and ring finger in the girl, pumping in rhythm with the dragging. "__Fuuuuck__." Another gasp. "Just like that, oh god don't stop Ash." _

"_Not planning to." She doubled her efforts then, hissing when Spencer's hands reached behind her and her nails dug into her waist, bringing her closer. "You like that, don't you." Humming wasn't enough of a response so Ashley stopped moving her aching hand altogether. It resulted in Spencer almost yelling out how she would kill her if she didn't continue right now. _

_Chuckling lowly, Ashley pressed her lips to Spencer's ear, panting, but slowly moving again. "You need a break?" _

_"NO!" _

"_You wanna cum?" _

"_Yessss."_

"_Say it." _

_Closing her eyes in desperation, Spencer gritted her teeth, trying to make Ashley move faster but the girl kept the pace deadly slow. Almost bringing tears to the blonde's eyes. "Awe, come on. You know you only have to ask. I'd do anything for you." _

_A banging on the door made Ashley almost push Spencer more into the wall, covering her body with her own, preventing the blonde from leaving. "Don't worry about it. Just cum. Come on, cum baby." She begged, her fingers moving the way they should again, at a rapid pace. _

_The banging got louder and more impatient, but Ashley was determinant to make Spencer cum, knowing this would probably be the last time. "Fuck off! I'll be out in a minute!" She yelled, her voice shaking from the exhaustion and nerves. _

"_You said you're ready! We gotta leave, like, ten minutes ago. Get a move on Ash." When Aiden's booming man's voice echoed through the bathroom Spencer's eyes shot open and she tried to turn around but Ashley wouldn't let her, she pressed harder into her. "I'm sorry, so sorry baby. But it doesn't matter now, he doesn't matter okay? Just close your eyes and let me take care of you." Her voice was soothing, begging and so gentle as her lips were everywhere at once, making Spencer almost forget why she had tears in her eyes. _

_She had figured Ashley out some time ago. She knew what the girl was going through, knew what was expected of her, even if she, herself, didn't know that kind of pressure. She knew that Mrs. Davies would need Ashley to prove herself, and she knew that Aiden had to be a big part of that charade. She felt for the girl, her heart was going out for her and it was breaking, because everything that had made Ashley, well Ash, was being repainted by her mother's expectations and the brunette couldn't do much than to obey. So no, she wasn't feeling cheap, or abused or anything similar, her heart was breaking for Ashley. That's why she had tears running down her cheeks when she came undone, wrapped up in Ashley like a cocoon. _

"_You finished?" Aiden's annoying voice asked through the thick door. _

_Ashley wasn't rushing it though. Oh so gently she's removed her fingers from Spencer, all the while her lips kept pressing kisses everywhere she could reach. They stayed that way for a few moments, giving Spencer's legs the opportunity to function again. When they did, and Spencer turned around, new tears formed in her eyes. Ashley was looking devastated. Her eyes soo sad, her whole body language was saying; loser. Not a loser, in like, loser. Loser, in form of someone who had given up everything they'd fought for, only for money. _

_Seeing this, Spencer leaned her forehead to Ashley's and sighed when her fingers ran through the girl's newly straightened hair. "It's okay." _

"_But it's not"_

"_It is." Sighing again Spencer smiled lightly. "I understand." _

"_Please don't leave. I haven't fucked him, I promise." _

"_I'm not leaving. You know where to find me, I'm just across the street." _

"_Ashley. We need to go. Stop putting on that stupid make up and lets go. Your mom will have a fat go at us." Interrupted by Aiden again. Spencer kissed the corner of Ashley's lips, then her forehead. "Just, take care of yourself. Because they wont and you cant forget to take care of yourself or you'll break."_

_Aiden's stupid smiling face fell when he witnessed Ashley coming out of the bathroom, her hand gripping Spencer's tightly. He glared. "What the fuck Ashley?! What's she doing here?!"_

"_Just leave it." Muttered the brunette, flinching when Madison glared at her openly. "Spencer's going home." _

"_Right she is. You better be glad I picked you up and not your mom or everything would be gone again. You know that." _

"_Shut up." She hissed, turning to Spencer with an apologetic expression. "Sorry." Her hand was reaching out of its own, stroking the girl's cheek after she pushed back a lose lock. "I'll see you around?" _

"_Sure." Lied Spencer. _

_She was ready to flee the scene but Ashley had other ideas. _

_After glaring at Aiden another time she pressed her lips to Spencer's in an gentle kiss, not caring that the young man was cursing her out. "Bye baby." Nodding, Spencer took her bag she had left carelessly on the floor earlier and left. She knew Madison would follow, and when the Latina arrived five minutes later at her front door, red-faced, Spencer knew she had given Ashley a piece of her mind. _

"_She's a mess." Sighed Spencer's friend, not really in the mood to bitch about the devastated girl anymore. "Not happy." _

"_I know." _

"_You shouldn't give up on her." _

"_I haven't." _

"_You should've made her see that she's not alone, that she's got you and that she's loved the way she was. Not stamp her forehead with 'not my girlfriend' whenever you could." _

_Shaking her head Spencer knew she was right, but it wasn't fair. Much had happened between the girls, and much not good stuff too. Spencer wasn't sure she could be with someone who was an expert at lying, and also at acting. She's had Spencer think she was liking what they did in bed, when in fact, she wasn't much of a fan. That was a huge blow that wasn't easy to ignore. _

_How could she give herself fully to someone who wasn't sure she even liked it?_

"_Ash? What are you doing here?" Spencer's surprised voice asked when she was packing up her car to go on the family trip. "Is everything okay?" _

_The brunette shuffled her feet, grinning. "Uh, your mom called me actually. Told me to be ready by ten. So here I am. Where are we going then?" She was desperately trying to act like everything was okay, when in fact, nothing was. _

"_Ash." _

"_Why not? We haven't seen much of each other lately and I miss hanging out with you. Your family loves me, that's a nice change so I don't see why I shouldn't tag along." _

_And they didn't back down, both girls stood their ground, one shaking her head slowly, already knowing she'd give in and the other intending to make everything okay again. To fix the mess she'd created. "Look, I'm starting college next week and I really need to get my mind off of things. I couldn't think of anything better than you to do that." _

"_I'm not sleeping with you." _

_Looking like she got slapped Ashley recoiled, shaking her head slowly. "Uh, okay. Spencer I know that you're not a hooker, ready to spread your legs as soon as I say so. I was simply hoping we'd spend time together, have some fun. We get along great, if you've forgotten." _

"_Sorry, you're right. I just, it always ends in bed with us. I cant get emotionally involved with you again. Not like this." _

"_Not how I am now, you mean." _

"_Not with who you're trying to pretend you are now." _

_Ashley looked away then, lighting her cigarette with shaky fingers. "Fine. Whatever. Have fun on your trip then." She turned around and started leaving, dragging her huge bag behind her. Spencer watched her sadly go, her heart aching again. _

_She knew that Ashley was desperately trying to feel in charge of her life now, to feel like she was making her own decisions and not her mother for her. Spencer also knew that she was being hard on the girl, they could be friends, couldn't they? "Ash wait." _

"_I'm not coming out of pity Spence." Rolling her eyes the blond closed the trunk and called for Ashley to get in the car. "I'm driving, don't even get any ideas." She muttered when Ashley's smiling face met hers, making her knees wobble._

* * *

"You know what? Fine." Pushed Ashley out, visibly lifting that huge weight off of her shoulders. "I'm done. You want me out of your life? Consider me out." She rubbed her tired face, a look of finality appearing. "I'm tired of chasing you Spence. Tired of being the jerk you make fun of, tired of watching you bring girls home every night and so fucking tired of you looking at me like I'm nothing. I'm sorry, okay? I really am. I know things were rough and I wasn't completely honest with you but you didn't exactly make it easy! You were expecting soo much of me, too much. I couldn't live up to that, no one could."

The new words, tone and attitude made Spencer's eyes lock on Ashley's, reading her silently.

"You made me this, this mythical creature. Everything I was back in school was gone and now, now you only saw that improved version of me. But that's it Spencer, that's the problem. You were having this fantasy of me which I never could have fulfilled and I have no fucking idea why. I was doing my best, giving my best to be a great girlfriend yet you kept yelling in my face that I wasn't worth being it."

Sighing Ashley sat down again, leaning on the wall with her head as she looked up, lost in thoughts. "Why, I don't understand. We were getting along amazingly, Spence. We were having fun, why couldn't you let me make you happy?"

Enough was enough. "Because you've made me miserable. I did give you a chance, Ash. Stop acting like I never have. I gave you a chance, you were my girlfriend and you've fucked it up."

It was the first time that they'd talk about it, about the 'relationship', about the ending and the lies.

Nothing about it was refreshing, helping, or making them feel better. Some things were better left unsaid, Spencer was sure. Seeing Ashley's beautifully sad face get sadder and sadder showed her that.

"You know that we were together."

"We were never official!"

"You know that we were together. You knew it too. Don't play the victim here, please just don't. You're lots of things but you're not someone trying to place the blame somewhere else, when it was clearly you. Just remember and stop pretending things didn't happen. Because they did. We did happen and now we're over."

"It was never serious."

"Wasn't it? Just look around Ash. Look at you, look at me and look at what we're ended up as. Just open your fucking eyes and tell me again that it wasn't serious."


	7. Chapter 7

_Hola :) _

_Thanks for the comments and messages, really means a lot. I love hearing your opinion on the story, thanks. Also, for those who are yelling at Ashley to leave Spencer, just think how you'd be feeling in her situation. It's not easy, being Ashley Davies doesn't make everything else disappear. :) But I'm glad you're reading and throwing in what you think, so dont worry. _

_Have fun with next one, lets see how their 'relationship' had been for them. _

* * *

Watching people rush by under her window Spencer was sunbathing, enjoying the heat on her skin. Headphones on her head, she was nodding along to the music blaring in her ears. Her head was spinning, mind running wild, but her eyes stayed glued to Ashley's house. She couldn't stop watching her, and with it, with watching the girl's place like some old creep, Spencer felt sadness. Nothing but sadness.

Her birthday was almost over and yet she couldn't feel happy, isn't feeling happy what you're supposed to be when you're a young adult, in the best time of your life?

How could she ever feel amazing, now.

Knowing what she's lost there's no chance of feeling amazing.

It's like, you cant miss something you haven't known. But she knew, as much as she liked to tell herself she didn't; she's known love . And knowing what loving Ashley Davies feels like, knowing what being loved by Ashley feels like makes it hard to go on.

Whenever she'd bring a girl home, screw her and have her fun for a couple hours, she'd lay awake and stare at the lights outside her window, comparing whoever was next to her to the girl across the street.

She wasn't a prude nun, having sex with random girls now and then was fine, but in the end she'd always quietly ask the girl to leave because she'd to go somewhere soon. They knew she lied, but it was better to accept the half baked reason than to accept that they were nothing for her. Just another notch on her belt, when clearly the sadness in her eyes belonged to someone not random.

Many wanted to 'save' her, free her from her sadness and the pain but they couldn't understand that she didn't want to be 'saved'. She didn't need that and she didn't want that, at all.

What she wanted?

It was easy. She wanted easiness.

* * *

"_Ashley Davies, prettiest girl around. Tell me honey, how the hell can you have enough patience to not be bothered by this one's stubborn head? I couldn't, for the love of god, live with Spencer again. We've thanked all the gods out there when she's decided to move out." Paula was holding Ashley close, not giving the girl a chance to escape her death-grip since she's ripped the passenger door open and pulled her out. "You gotta have the patience of a god." _

_Ashley put on her most beautiful smile, all crinkled nose and dimples her eyes shining when she barked out husky laughter, winking at the younger blonde. "I guess she grew on me. Like a zit." _

"_Yo! Easy Ash." Exclaimed Spencer, smiling nonetheless. _

_They shared a long look, just enjoying being able to watch one another again and be close after the time apart. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the grass felt wonderful against their feet and the lake was blinding them with the sun's reflection. A fucking wonderful scene, both had to admit, and they couldn't have wished for anyone other to be there and share it with. _

"_Right. Here ma, that's your room. That's mine. Spence, you've got the garden shed. There's a tiny stove but it's not working and the bathub's broken but the shower's fine. The bed's the biggest. So you girls have fun. We'll meet you tonight." Glen was pointing at everything before he dashed toward the beach where the pretty girls lay under the sun. _

_Paula smiled at the girls, winking, and then she made her way back into the tiny bungalow they had rented for the week. Spencer and Ashley were supposed to stay in the garden shed, almost like a tiny cabin with only one room which included the kitchen and an upstairs bedroom they had to share. _

_Standing in front of the bed, one bed only, Spencer smiled apologetically "Sorry, I didn't think. Do you want me to take the couch?" _

"_Yeah, no. Don't be silly. We'll share."_

"_You sure?"_

"_Positive. I'm a pro at wrestling you for the sheets now, so yes, no problem." The cheeky grin combined with shining brown eyes brought a sigh out of Spencer who was quickly reminded why this wasn't a good idea. "Okay Spency?" A hand waved inched from her face and when her eyes focused again Spencer smiled, nodding. "Yeah. Get naked, we're going swimming." _

"_Huh, naked. I can do that." Before the blonde could have protested Ashley was standing in front of her, naked as the day she was born. Wearing nothing but a huge smile on her face. "Awe, I love how your eyes are glued to my tits whenever they're visible." _

_The harsh comment made Spencer blush and realize that maybe she was a teenage boy after all when Ashley was concerned. "Ash, you really need to put on clothes. Now." _

"_Hm, yeah I don't think so." _

"_It's not a good idea to stand here naked. Really, it's not." _

"_Seems like an amazing idea from where I'm standing. You're drooling." _

"_Ash"_

"_Spence, what's the matter? Nothing you ain't seen before" But before she could have finished the sentence the door flew open and in barged a howling Glen. Of course he started praising god and thanking him when he raked his stupid eyes all over the brunette's gorgeous body. _

_Spencer sprung into action when Ashley merely grinned at him, not making any moves to cover herself up. She was pushed back, behind Spencer in a flash and witnessed a Carlin-sibling-fight break out first hand. Not able to stop herself she placed her hands on Spencer's waist, gently pressing her front to her back. "Stop it." Was hissed at her between insults that were traded by the siblings. _

_Glen ran away when Spencer charged for him with a lamp, ready to kick the shit out of him. _

_She turned back to Ashley, attempting to give her a piece of her mind for flashing her bother but the words died somewhere deep in her throat when the brunette walked towards her, slowly. Stopping right in front of the stunned girl Ashley dipped her head and smiled, the only encouragement Spencer needed to sigh when she leaned in and kissed her._

_They didn't make it back upstairs, instead Ashley was hovering above the blonde on the floor, holding her head on top of her elbow so she'd be more comfortable. _

_It wasn't fast, dirty or cheap, nothing like it, it was beautiful and sensual even if it seemed like Ashley intended to fuck Spencer through the ground at the end. They never lost eye-contact, during the whole time their eyes were locked and told so many beautiful things it's making Spencer shudder and gasp when Ashley threw her over the edge. The best thing was, right after she did she was there, holding her when she caught her. _

_A soft finger stroked the blonde's bare side lazily, bringing sighs of contentedness out of Spencer as she was snuggled into Ashley's equally naked form. The floor was no problem, she couldn't feel the hardness or skin burns she'd feel later, all she was aware of were Ashley's scents and touches. "Spence?" _

"_Hm?"_

"_I don't like the rule." _

"_What rule baby?"_

"_The 'not-your-girlfriend' rule." _

"_It's not a rule."_

"_Then why?"_

"_Because I'm not what you want, not fully."_

"_You don't know what I want."_

"_Neither do you."_

"_But I know I want you."_

"_You wanted independence."_

"_I am independent."_

"_You sold out."_

"_That's the reason?"_

"_No." She turned her head to the pondering brunette, kissing her jaw. "The reason is that I wont be able to let go of you." _

"_You do listen to me, don't you? I'm trying to be with you, not leave you."_

"_Now. Yes. But things will change." _

"_So? We should try." _

"_We did."_

"_No we didn't." _

"_You're right. Sorry. It's just that"_

"_That you think I don't like sex with you."_

_It sounded so cold and emotionless that Spencer had to look up with a frown, wondering what'd brought that out of the beauty. "Ash?"_

"_What, it's true isn't it? You're still freaking out about that, no matter how many times I fuck you. No matter how many times you'll fuck me. You'll always think I don't like it. That's sick." _

"_Thanks." Smiled Spencer sarcastically, trying to get up. _

_Ashley was on it right away, wrapping her arms around the upset girl from behind. She kissed her shoulder while she talked. "You're my girlfriend, deal with it. I'm not asking Spencer, I wont because that's bullshit and stupid. I'm telling you. You know that I feel a lot for you and you care about me. We're a couple that's going through a hard phase so please stop hurting me and telling me we're not." _

_This got the blonde's attention and she turned her head back to Ashley, slowly smiling. "I'm not doing it on purpose." _

"_I should fucking hope so, or you'd be the worst girlfriend ever." Teased the brunette, putting edge off things a bit. "Seriously though, get that stick outta your ass and relax." _

_With a shaking head Spencer crashed their lips together, tackling Ashley to the ground._

* * *

_The family trip was the one Glen had picked; a full week at a house in the sun, a lake by the door and nothing but relaxing._

_Spencer never would have thought he'd pick something that mature and fun, usually his picks were nothing but monster-trucks, wrestling matches or weird animal riding competitions. _

_The girls were enjoying the time away, feeling almost like nothing could touch them there, in their cabin. Spending time with the family wasn't priority, everyone had their own thing, but they'd meet for dinner every day and when everyone was home at the same time they'd eat together other times too. But it wasn't a rule. _

_Having Ashley close was, priority. _

_Spencer couldn't get enough of it, every little minute they were together was spent having nothing but fun, laughing and joking around. If they weren't screwing one another senseless that is. _

_Day five had started the way all days were. _

_Ashley'd rolled over, covering Spencer's heated body with hers, kissing her neck and murmuring something about pancakes while her hand wandered to places that she loved to wake the blonde with stroking. _

_When the blonde ended up as a moaning, sweating mess, clawing to Ashley's backside as the girl kept pumping in and out of her, the morning was almost perfect. _

_It got better when she'd turned around, right away, and pinned Ashley to the bed, returning the favor, over and over again. _

_They'd taken a shower, sharing water of course, and kept slipping when they're hands would 'accidentally' wander to not safe places. _

_Breakfast consisted of coffee for both, and cigarettes by the lake. Spencer was sitting against a huge tree with Ashley in between her legs, cuddled into her. She played with the brunette's straight hair, missing the wild locks all of a sudden. A sigh must have left her lips because Ashley turned around with a frown, silently wanting to know what was on her mind. "I'll just miss this." _

"_We're living in eye-sight honey, I think our relationship will survive the distance thing." Joking was Ashley's only way to deal with that. She didn't want the last days to be spend huffing and puffing, sulking and pouting and very likely fighting like animals. _

_When Spencer laughed, like every time Ashley thought she was oh so funny, the brunette grinned at her and pecked her lips. It wasn't enough though, and with some difficulty Ashley turned around, straddling Spencer's thighs as she wrapped her legs around her waist, covering her lips with hot kisses. "God Spence" _

"_Pss." Mumbled the blonde, not ready to hear it, not ready for it to be ripped away again. But Ashley was unstoppable. _

_She attacked her girlfriend's neck, her hands wandering to her sides, stroking the hot, sun-kissed skin. "Pss yourself. I love you." Her voice was soft but teasing Spencer huskily. _

_The blonde froze for a moment until her face broke out in a huge smile, blinding Ashley who didn't have much time to react when she was tackled backwards and kissed passionately. "Wow, should've said that earlier if that's the response I'll get every" Her annoying never-shut-up-mouth was covered with Spencer's and she swallowed the girl's surprised giggle. _

_When an elderly couple walked the path they were making out at, coughing and whispering, Spencer pulled the hand from Ashley's bikini-bottoms. Smiling shyly. Then she looked around and made up her mind when she helped a panting brunette to her feet, leading her into the water where she'd her pinned to a rock and thanked her properly. _

_They had almost drowned. _

_Fucking in the lake wasn't as romantic as it sounded. Especially not when people kept walking by and they had to get under water all the time, swallowing the dirty liquid. The good thing was that Ashley could wrap her legs around Spencer and weight close to nothing while the girls fingers were buried deeply inside of her. The other hand was holding her butt so she'd be close, their lips glued together, trading panted breaths. _

_Glen's shrill voice, from somewhere by the house brought them back to reality and like giggling schoolgirls they made their way back. Of course they couldn't leave the hands off of each other and every blind would have seen what they had been up to._

* * *

_Sitting in the old, beat up car which sounded like it'd puke fire every second now, Ashley was going mad on the CD's. She'd change another one whenever a song was halfway done, making Spencer grit her teeth. Every time she got into a song Ashley would put on the next one, belting out a few lines only to change it again._

_When the slender finger went to the button again Spencer caught it, bringing it to her lips to kiss it. "If you don't stop I'll bite it off." She threatened. To prove her point she nibbed on the tip, smiling at a grinning Ashley. The girl had her legs dangling out of the window, her bare feet whoooshing through the wind and her torso was leaning on Spencer's. The fight about the seatbelt was lost when Ashley decided it was enough to cover her waist with it. She'd be closer to Spencer, had been her reasoning, which was total bullshit of course but the blonde couldn't stay stern, not when she'd watch her with those huge Bambi eyes, batting her too perfect lashes. _

"_You're a little biter, Spency, aren't you. Gotta say I always wanted to try a vampire, next time you seriously need to draw blood babe." The weird conversation was interrupted by Ashley's Iphone blaring out 'Cruella Deville.' "Sorry." Mumbled Ashley before picking up, her hand going automatically to Spencer's throat, stroking the skin there. "Hey Christine what's up? Uh, told you I'd be gone for a week...yeah I know that's why I went now...uh huh...uh uh...yeah with Spencer...my girlfriend remember?" When she said that her eyes locked on Spencer's and she smiled, like every time. _

_It almost felt like a secret between kids. _

_When children had a secret they'd watch each other cheekily too, and Ashley was the biggest and cheekiest kid. _

"_No, I'm not going home tonight. We'll come to dinner tomorrow and then we can talk about it but I don't wanna see you today...uh huh..." Her face darkened, "yeah, I know that but I don't care. I'm an adult Christine, you cant hook me up with someone I don't wanna be with, get it in your head. We have a deal." With a sigh Ashley said her goodbye and hung up on her mother. _

_Her head turned to Spencer and she smiled sadly at her, shrugging. "Wanna share your family?" _

_Nodding, the blonde's lips pressed to the girl's head. "Of course."_

* * *

"_Oh my god." Whispered Spencer, her face breaking out in a huge smile. "What the fuck Ash?" Then her hand ran over the smooth leather seat of the brand new, blinking, Vespa standing in front of her car._

"_Surprise." _

"_Surprise is right." She was tracing the new object with excitement. "How did you...did you buy it?" _

"_Yup. That's doodles. You like?" _

"_I love but," She looked at her girlfriend, biting her lip. "you got money for that?" _

"_Sure. Mommy dearest couldn't let me drive to college in that horrible, horrible death trap of a car could she? Thought she was having a stroke when I brought doodles home." The smirk showed Spencer that Ashley had picked the one vehicle her mother would hate more than her old car. "Besides, I've always dreamed of driving though Italy on that. Come on, drive me." _

"_Huh?"_

"_Well I cant. It's for you, you're my driver." _

_Spencer shook her head, furrowing her brows in confusion. "What you meant it's for me?" _

"_Well, you're my girlfriend. I wanted to piss my mom off. So here, doodles is yours." Smiling like she didn't just say that this good 3 grand worth vintage scooter with every possible extra was a gift, just like that, for Spencer, Ashley didn't see a problem in it. _

"_I cant, Ash." _

"_Why not? I never rode one, I'd die. You don't want that, do you?" Pouting Ashley pressed herself close to Spencer, burying her head in the crock of her neck where she placed kisses. "You cant because then I'd be gone and I couldn't touch you, kiss you, make you snort." _

"_I'm not snorting!" Protested the blonde, horrified. _

"_You are. Snorty. It's fine though, I think it's cute. Like a little piggy." _

_Spencer gaped at the serious girl, who still had to start laughing but didn't. In the end the blonde opted on slapping her shoulder, that got her the laughter she knew was being held back by Ashley. The girl's arms wrapped around her at once, hugging her too tightly, swaying them. "Awe, already the abusive partner? I thought it'd take us a little to get to that point. You're lucky I'm digging some violence." Wriggling her brows Ashley dodged another slap, giggling uncontrollably. "Seriously though, get your butt up here and drive me around woman. I want milkshakes."_

* * *

_Spencer yawned._

_Being with Ashley was taking a toll on her. She slept for less than four hours every night, from which she'd wake up every other hour either way, then they'd spent the day together until Ash had to go to her class. Spencer'd sleep for an hour or two before she'd get ready for her nine hour shift every night. She'd come home at about four am, most mornings Ashley would wait for her on doodles in her sleep-shorts and nothing but a leather jacket, yawning too. They'd get breakfast/supper and go home, sleep until the next day'd start a few short hours later. _

_Doodles was cheaper with gas so she'd either go to work with it or Ashley'd give her a ride and leave it with Spencer or pick her up again. Spencer was saving up some money, she took up daily shifts and stopped driving around carelessly, trying not to spent too much on shit she didn't need. _

"_My tooth hurts." Whimpered Ashley, her big eyes sad, her cheek swollen so it was twice as big. Spencer's eyes widened, she had gone through toothaches before, it wasn't pretty and Ashley looked really bad. Her eyes were glazed over and she was red in the face. Spencer touched her forehead gently, wrapping her left arm around the girl sitting on doodles in the middle of the night. "Oh baby, you should've stayed in bed." Was mumbled into Ashley's neck Spencer kissed so she wouldn't hurt the girl's aching face. "Come on." _

_She helped her staying at the front of the seat, cuddling into her. Spencer's arms wrapped around her, cupping the handle bars so she'd drive and have Ashley not fall off. Her head was on the girl's hunched shoulder and they drove home slowly. _

_Reaching Spencer's place the blonde took Ashley's hand, leading her upstairs to her front door and then right through to the bed. She undressed her, getting her out of the shorts she sweat through and pulled an old, long band shirt over the girl's hot head. The whining made her cringe and when she placed her under the covers, kissing her forehead Spencer went to the kitchen in search of some pain killers. Thankfully Madison was a meds-junky and had always brought her diverse prescriptions. When she walked back towards Ash, as quietly as she could, the girl was laying there shivering. Spencer made her swallow two ibus, each a 500 gram, giving her water to help them get down the pipe. _

_Getting ready for bed herself Spencer hurried and crawled to Ash under the covers, embracing the hurting girl. _

_It didn't get better. _

_By 8am Ashley was crying and biting into pillows, almost delirious. _

_Spencer was pushing buttons on her house phone, praying her mother would be awake, and sober. But it being Monday morning she didn't have much hope. "Hello?" _

"_Mom?!" _

"_Spencer, for fuck's sake. What is it? You have any idea what time it is? If you don't need me to pull a plug because you've had an accident, or bail you out there's really no excuse for waking me." Ignoring her mothers tired protest Spencer turned away from Ashley, not able to watch her anymore. "Mom, Ashley's in real pain. Her whole head is swollen and she's having a fever. Cant get it down. She's crying and shivering and I have no idea what to do anymore. Gave her drugs, they wont help. She cant sleep, cooling didn't help and heating too. She's sweating and"_

"_Honey, calm down. I'm not a doctor. Take her to the hospital, they'll help her. What happened?" _

"_It's her tooth. She's having problems with it for a week now but when she picked me up from work it was really bad. She's not really responding anymore."_

"_Get her in the car and bring her to the hospital."_

"_She's not insured:"_

"_Doesn't matter. They'll take care of her and give you the bill then. Don't worry, just get her there. She could get a tinnitus, her ear could be damaged forever if they wont fix it. You know that everything, nose, ears, brain is connected to the teeth's nerves." _

"_I know. So you think I should just take her? She's yelled she doesn't want me to earlier."_

"_Yes."_

"_All right. Thanks mom. Go back to sleep."_

"_Call me if you need anything." _

_Sighing Spencer thanked whoever was watching them for Paula Carlin who had meant that if the hospital would really want them to pay right away, she'd be there to help out. "Thank you ma." _

"_Don't worry. Now get her ready."_

_It took Spencer almost an hour to get Ashley ready and to the hospital. She didn't dare taking her on doodles, too scared the cops might catch them and slow them down to the hospital. Sadly a car, in the middle of San Fransico at nine am wasn't the fastest vehicle and they stood in traffic longer than they drove. _

_Paula had sent her daughter a text with an address of a dentist clinic, where the nurses took Ashley from Spencer's hands right away. _

_The blonde was sitting in the waiting area, drinking coffee outside in the sun by the entrance and called a few people so she wouldn't fall asleep for hours. _

_It was 1pm when someone marched up to her with a face like thunder. "Why didn't you bring Ashley in earlier? She's been through hell." Christine was looking down at Spencer, accusation in her eyes. Next to her stood the second person the blonde was never keen on seeing, Aiden. Ashley's perfect boyfriend, at least in her mother's eyes. _

"_She didn't want me to. I thought the meds would work, but they didn't. And then I brought her as soon as possible." _

"_She could've died, without me!" _

_Spencer fought the urge to roll her eyes at the dramatic diva, only because she was Ashley's mom and the brunette's depending on her to survive. She couldn't suppress her next comment though. "She managed years on her own, she'll be fine." _

_When Spencer wanted to go for a smoke to calm down Ashley came down the corridor, a lopsided smile on her half-numb face. Her whole right side of the face was hanging and she couldn't feel a thing, making the smile look like she was having a stroke. Spencer grinned and kissed the numb side of her lip, making Ashley chuckle when she hugged the blonde. "Hey." _

"_Hey. You okay?" _

"_Yeah. They had to pull my upper right wisdom tooth, it was boring into my jaw. Was all infected. They got the nasty stuff out, made me throw up. God Spency it smelled soooo bad." They grimaced. "But then I got a shot and the pain was gone. Didn't feel a thing when they operated it out. Even let me listen to your mp3 player. Thanks again for giving it to the nurse." She pecked Spencer's cheek, talking to the girl like her mother and Aiden weren't there. _

"_I'm glad you're feeling better."_

"_Yeah. Next week I need to come back to see if the antibiotics work, and I'll be in huge pain later when the numbness leaves but they gave me drugs." Shaking the meds like a prize Ashley crinkled her nose. _

"_Ashley." Christine announced her presence with a sigh, not impressed by her daughter's obvious need to act like they were invisible. "How did you pay for this? I tried to cover the bill but they said it's taken care of."_

"_Yeah, Paula paid it. I'm paying it off monthly." Snarled the brunette, her eyes turning cold when she locked them on her mothers. "You shouldn't have come, and why'd you bring him anyway?" _

"_Because he's worried, he's your boyfriend." _

"_He's not." Chuckled the brunette, shaking her head when her arm went to wrap around Spencer's waist. She smiled, her swollen eyes and bruised cheek making her look weird, but the blonde smiled back nonetheless, happy that Ashley was okay again. "You're dog-tired baby. You didn't get any sleep did you? Come on, lets go home." Turning back to her mother and a scowling Aiden Ashley smiled, waving. "See ya." _

_Until they were home, at Spencer's, the blonde didn't mention what was on her mind. _

_First when Ashley went to the bathroom to get cleaned up a bit, returning shortly after, Spencer raised a brow at her. She was grinning knowingly. "My mom didn't pay for your treatment."_

"_I know."_

"_Why'd you lie?"_

"_Because I wanted to make her feel bad. If she knew you've paid for it, she wouldn't give me the money to pay you back. If she thinks your mother's paid for it, she will." Spencer nodded, inhaling the gray smoke as she yawned. "Sorry Spence, but I'm really not the typical loving daughter. I'm only doing this because I'm trying to get as much out of her as I can. Perhaps even my inheritance if I'm lucky. I'll do nasty things, so you better get used to it or look away because that's something I need to do. I cant be her puppet for nothing." _

_The drugs must have been talking, Spencer mused, because otherwise Ashley'd never had made such a big deal out of it. She understood. Christine was a bitch that, obviously, didn't even give her the money/things Ashley's dad has left for her. Sure, it was manipulative and cold, but she understood. People had to do what they had to do to survive. She didn't dare thinking what Ashley's had to do when she was a teenager. So her faking it was a better solution. _

"_I'm tired. You coming to bed?" Asked Spencer through yawns, holding a hand in front of her mouth. _

_Ashley nodded and pulled Spencer off the chair, wrapping both arms around her when she pushed her towards the bed._

* * *

"_Spencer, I'm serious. Stop it." Brown eyes were narrowing on the blonde, anger visible in every part of the fuming brunette. _

"_No. You cant make me, I'm not your mother. I wont ask how high I should jump when you tell me to. Not gonna manipulate **me** into this."_

"_Will you stop it? What's the big deal?"_

"_The big deal, Ashley, is that I told you I wont do it. I'm going out with Madison tonight." _

"_So? Call and cancel. You see her every day, it's almost like she's your girlfriend."_

"_Oh. Nice Ash, real nice. So fucking grown up." _

_Ashley's eyes widened and she made a huge leap forwards when Spencer made her way for the door. Slamming it shut with her palm again she stood her ground, trapping Spencer to the door. "Don't go now." Whispered Ashley but Spencer's eyes were spitting fire. "Please stay."_

"_Why? So you can bitch at me for another hour? No thanks. Call me when you've calmed down." _

"_Spency don't go." But Spencer wanted to leave, she was being late as it was and she didn't want another huge row with Ashley. "Let me go Ash." _

"_No."_

"_Back off Ash, I gotta go." _

"_You said you'd come with me. Why cant you keep a fucking promise? For once?!" Exclaimed the brunette, fed up with Spencer's stubbornness. When she saw how the blonde's face fell and set in angry lines she tried back-paddling. "I mean, it's not easy for me to go there." _

"_I know." Spencer sighed, slinging her arm around Ashley's neck. "I know baby. But I told you last week that I wouldn't come. I cant. Your mom hates me and I get that you want to make her see she cant control every part of your life but you're throwing me to the lions babe. Besides, I told you I'd go with you tomorrow or some other day. I cant today." _

"_You don't even love me. Aiden would do that for me." _

_Spencer nodded, deeply in thought. After that, when Ashley's eyes bore into hers, fearing the worst she scoffed before shaking her head and pecking Ashley's scowling lips, leaving without another word._

* * *

"_Spencyyyyy, where are you? You said you come to me where are you?" Spencer squinted, blushing when all heads turned to her after the clearly stoned/drunk girl planted herself on the counter. _

_The blonde was working when Ashley had stumbled up to her, almost loosing balance as her hands went to grab a hold of the bar counter. Spencer smiled, her lips in a tight line, and spoke through gritted teeth. "I'm working, as you know. What are you doing here?" _

"_I'm here to win you back!" Proclaimed the brunette loudly, turning more heads. She glared at the ladies who were watching her with amusement/contempt or scowls. "I kn..kno..knew they are all over you, but you're mine and you cant be with others. I cant fuck anyone you cant too." She saw Madison smile awkwardly at her and smiled, her eyes trying to focus on the Latina. "Mads! You hot bitch, give me a tequila sexy." _

"_Think you've had enough Ash." _

"_Think I have enough when I lick it of your bod babe." _

_Spencer prayed that the ground would open up and swallow her when the audience started laughing. She made her way around the bar and dodged all the girls that were making fun of Ashley. Reaching her she pulled her away from a stupid bimbo who gave her a Tequila shot and offered she'd lick it off of her. "Sorry, she's not licking anything. Have Madison give you a drink, it's on me." Mumbled Spencer, pointing to Madison and gesturing so the girl knew what she had told the amused blonde. "Awe, but she promised." _

"_Yeah, well she's not thinking clearly. Get your drink and have fun." _

"_I think it's fucking rude you're playing bouncer, who the fuck are you anyway?" _

"_I'm her girlfriend." Fired Spencer with blazing eyes, pulling a giggling Ashley behind her in fear of the blonde stranger wanting to fight. "So I suggest you take my peaceful advice and back off." _

_The stupid random girl laughed nastily, shaking her head at the girls she was with. Then she got off the stool and took a threatening step towards Spencer, getting into her face. "Listen princess, you're not my keeper and when I get that bitch to do me, it's none of your fucking business."_

"_Do you?!" Spat Spencer, her whole body shaking with anger. "Dream on you sick piece of shit. You think she'd do anyone like you? Just fucking look at her, she's so out of your league it's not even funny. Perhaps you're right. Perhaps she'd 'do' you." She leaned in close so she could whisper the next words. "She doesn't even remember her own name, had the worst fight with me which brought her to that state in the first place. So yes, perhaps she'd screw you but then, after waking up she'd shower for hours because she'd feel disgusted. You're a joke, a fucking joke. It's either girl or boy for her, and still, she wouldn't touch you because you're none. How's that feel?!" _

_Spencer was pulled back by the waist when her arms shot out to slap the stupid grin off the girl's stupid face. She yelped, loudly, as the girl's fingers tangled in her hair and pulled her back. Dashing around she jumped her and then everything started to get blurry. _

* * *

"_What the fuck were you thinking?!" Screamed Madison in the office. "You'll get fucking fired Spence, and for what?"_

"_She was insulting my girlfriend"_

"_You're girlfriend who's acting like a freaking retard yes. You're supposed to let it slide, she was drunk and wanted to get a rinse out of you. You're supposed to be above shit like that and not fucking tackle her to the ground and punch the shit out of her. If she sues the club we're both fired, I hope you know that."_

_Spencer rubbed her tired face, nodding. _

"_Why were you even jumping at it? You were supposed to keep cool."_

_Spencer didn't respond, instead she looked out of the window wishing the last hour back. "Look, I know it's fucked up but what can I do now? It's done. I'm off home. Just tell Mandy to call me." _

"_You should wait for her and tell her what's happened."_

"_She already knows. Someone phoned her. Anyway, sorry again."_

_Madison furrowed her brows, sighing in disappointment. "I know that you're in love Spencer but she'll be fine for a couple hours. What you think she's doing? She's asleep. You can stay and fight for your job."_

_But Spencer went home. _

* * *

_Opening her eyes slowly after what felt like two hours of sleep Spencer tried to yawn. But when you're too tired you don't get enough air in and cant. When she went to pee and came back with a coffee, grabbing clothes Ashley started to stir._

_Their eyes met and then Ashley groaned, losing her smile and hid her face in the pillow. "I'm in pain." _

"_You should be." _

"_Think I drank too much."_

"_You think?Do you have any idea in what state you were in when you got here?" _

_Ashley hesitated, smacking her lips before she nodded. "Yeah sorry. I was out with a couple friends and thought it was a great idea to come by. I missed you." _

_Spencer's heart sank. _

"_You were out with friends?"_

"_Oh yeah." Smiled Ash, stretching. "You remember James? His buddy Dave is in town and we were at a gig. Think I over-did it though, sorry." Spencer's forced smile fooled Ashley when she kissed her before going to the bathroom. _

_The blonde thought back to the moment she got back home from work, worried Ashley might have choked on her own vomit. The brunette's been sitting on her couch, eating chips and watching south park. Her unfocused eyes and swaying body, uncontrollable laughter and the way the chips flew from her mouth showed how drunk she still was. _

_Ashley's head turned when Spencer walked into the room, beaming at the angry girl. "Spency, god I missed you. Where were you?" As soon as she was close enough Spencer was enveloped in a huge hug, smothered in wet kisses. _

_She pulled her head away, averting her eyes when Ashley's hurt expression showed her how much that action was paining her. "Where were you today Ash?" _

"_I was at the bar 'n watched you be rocky." _

"_Before that. Were you at your mom's?" _

"_Yeah." Mumbled Ash, distracted by Spencer's dark blonde hair she was playing with. "Are you mad? You want me to stop go to my mom? I'll do it. Just say so. You wanna know why I'd do it? Because I love you." _

_In spite of her feelings being all over the place Spencer smiled and kissed Ash, she loved her too. "I know, but don't do that. Not because of me."_

"_You're too good Spency." The blonde let Ashley cuddle into her, gently kissing the side of her head when she voiced her question again. "What happened at your mom's? Before you went out with Aiden that is." _

_It was a catch, something had given Spencer the feeling that only Aiden could have made Ashley be in the state she was in when she crashed the blonde's shift. _

"_We got in a fight, mom and me. About you. She's a bitch Spency, doesn't like you but she doesn't know you so she cant say she don't like you. When Aiden came I was really mad, it was unfair. We fought. Then we left. I stormed out, wanted to go to you but I remembered that we're fighting too and that I had doodles. Aiden brought me back home, we had drinks, I inked him, another one he's always wanted me to do. And then, I don't know but I wanted to see you. I think I left him at my place." _

* * *

"_I'm going out with a few buddies, be back later." Mumbled Ashley with an eye roll, already making for the door. Spencer scoffed, lightly, and that made the brunette turn back around and glare. "What?"_

"_Who you're meeting? Your art group friends?"_

"_Yes." Was the unflinchingly answer. Ashley was daring Spencer to accuse her of lying, so with a sigh she nodded. "Fine, whatever have fun." _

_They were staring at one another, feeling that things had changed, knowing that worse was going to happen if they wouldn't stop it but none of them was capable of voicing it. So instead of defusing the situation Ashley marched back up to Spencer's sofa, kneeling between her legs on the floor as she took her head in her hands. "Fucking get it out of your head, Spence. I never cheated on you, never lied or betrayed you so why don't you fucking believe me for once? Stop being a paranoid bitch." _

_Ending her lovely speech with a loveless kiss Ashley got to her feet and left. _

_Four hours later, when Spencer was laying in bed, sleeping she felt the bed dip. A soft, alcohol reeking body covered hers and she grimaced when the stale smoke hit her nose with the wet kisses all over her neck. "Ash, no. I'm tired." She mumbled into the pillow, unsuccessfully trying to shake the girl off. "Psss" Whispered Ashley, trying to get her hand between Spencer and the mattress, "raise your hips a bit baby."_

"_No Ash, go to sleep." But the persistent girl kept placing kisses all over Spencer's bare skin, everywhere her lips could touch. _

_When Spencer groaned after Ashley's hand slipped and poked her hipbone her hips rose automatically and the brunette jumped to the chance. Her hand was in Spencer shorts right away, rhythmically drawing circles on the girl's clit, right along with her own body moving on top of Spencer's. _

_Knowing there's no chance Ashley'd go to sleep the blonde turned around and hooked her leg on her waist, bringing her hips up in time when their lips met in an open-mouthed kiss. _

_Spencer's eyes were closed and she tried very hard to cum, as soon as possible but the tiredness and exhaustion didn't make it easy. Ashley's wave of mixed alcohol smells didn't help either, or the way she couldn't focus and slipped all the time. "I've an idea." Panted Spencer, gently pushing Ashley away, ignoring the whining of her girlfriend she spun around and grabbed under the bed, reaching for something she knew would make Ashley cum and tired at once. _

_Brown eyes widened, a huge smile broke out on Ashley's face when she saw what Spencer was holding. "You sure? You never wanted to try it." _

_Nodding, the blonde fastened the straps in place, shaking it to see if it's tight enough before she grinned at Ashley. "Cme're." The brunette was on top of her right away, kissing the hell out of her while her crotch rubbed against the dildo Spencer had strapped on. Helping Ashley guide it properly she placed her hands on the girl's hips, gently thrusting upwards. _

_And Spencer wasn't sure why it hurt her to see that Ashley was going crazy as she was fucking her with it. She's never had a problem with screwing a girl with one before, but Ashley was another subject all together. Perhaps the fear of the girl really being straight hit her when she saw her trash about, pull her own hair like a mad woman and yell the house awake. After an hour, and multiple orgasms for both, a very good way to let out aggressions Spencer realized, she fell on top of Ashley's back, panting. Kissing the girls sweaty skin Spencer had her eyes closed, gently stroking wherever she could reach. "Wow, that was amazing Spence." _

"_Yeah. Glad you came back."_

"_Course. I knew you'd be mad because I was out with Aiden, I always feel bad when I lie to you. You're my girlfriend." She let her turn around, cuddling into Ashley automatically. "Why you lying then?"_

"_Don't know. You wouldn't want me to meet him."_

"_No, I wouldn't."_

"_And still, I would do it. Even if he always tries it on with me. We're friends."_

"_He tries it on with you?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_But you haven't..."_

"_I'm tired Spency. Lets sleep."_

"_Ash, please tell me you haven't fucked him."_

"_Okay. I haven't." Leaning down Ashley kissed Spencer, nibbling on her lip that way that always makes the blonde chuckle. "Love you, good night."_

* * *

It took Spencer a moment to grasp that she wasn't looking at closed curtains anymore, no. Her eyes were locked on green strange ones she never saw before, staring at her weirdly out of Ashley's place. He yelled something, probably for Ashley as the girl went to stand by his side, meeting Spencer's empty eyes with her own equally as empty ones. He whispered something into her ear, breaking Spencer's heart when she giggled and threw her head back, swatting his broad shoulder before pulling him away from the window.

Ashley Davies was a lot of things but one thing she was always, heartbreaking liar.

Her lies were beautiful, they were melodic and went down like warm butter, she knew exactly what to say and when. She knew what others wanted to hear and it had taken Spencer some time to figure out what Ashley was, except for being a beautiful liar. She was a class one actress.


End file.
